First Step Toward A Second Chance

                                                                     
                                                                    
                                                                    

                                            
 

First Step Toward A Second Chance

The first thing you need to do if you've lost the love of your life is communicate – with yourself. You need to get clear in your own head on what is really going on by ignoring all the noise. Forget the arguments, forget the fights and just get to the heart of the matter.

You'll have to be brutally honest with yourself here because what you're searching for is the truth. You want to dig past the clutter and the excuses and pinpoint the true reason or reasons your relationship began to go south.

Don't gloss over the little things, because often it is simply a combination of so many little things piled one on top of the other with no one ever going back to apologize and make things right that add up to one seemingly unmovable Big Thing.

Many times these small mountains of little things, too long ignored, make a relationship start to sour. If they keep adding up, things go bad a lot faster. So really think about the life of your relationship, and be honest with yourself about what really happened. What were the core events or words that put a hitch in the smooth turn of the wheel?

Once you've pinpointed all the things you feel are the likely culprits for pushing your relationship to take a turn for the worst, your next step is to communicate with your ex. Let him or her know that you want to sort out all the problems, get them out in the open and talk about them so you can figure out, together, what went wrong in your relationship because you never want to repeat these mistakes again.

Here's a valuable hint to remember during these communications: Discuss does not mean argue. If you can't act like a mature, responsible adult for the duration of a simple, single conversation to help make your relationship better now, how can you possibly expect to have a meaningful, long-term relationship?

So the next step is to find out what he or she thinks started the damage to your relationship. The point is for each of you to know what the other feels caused the relationship to go bad so you both will know exactly what needs working on – by both parties – to fix the relationship.

Next, ask if your partner feels your relationship has a chance, if they are interested (like you) in trying to change things for the better, working together to build a better life together, and then decide if you're both willing and able to do what you now know it will take to make the necessary changes and put the relationship back on track.

Communication is one of the cornerstones of all meaningful relationships. If you haven't been communicating with your partner, that could be one part of the problem. Make sure he or she knows you now understand this and that from here on out, you will definitely want to discuss your problems with each other, as well as possible solutions.

Why? Because by doing this, by communicating openly and honestly with each other about your hopes, fears, expectations and whatnot, both of you will be better equipped to make your relationship much better than it has ever been, to make your relationship the kind that lasts forever.

Before You And Your Boyfriend Get Back Together

                                                                      
                                                                   
                                                               
                                     
 
Before You And Your Boyfriend Get Back Together



Are you considering getting back together with your ex boyfriend?  The idea probably seems quite exciting, especially if both of you are remembering all of the good times that you had together.  But you should definitely do some serious thinking before you and your boyfriend decide to get back together.

Many couples do successfully reunite and end up with very strong relationships after a break-up.  However, some couples end up getting back together for the wrong reasons or without fully dealing with the factors that led to the dissolution of the relationship.  If you want your rejuvenated relationship to be a success, make sure that you first take the time to consider the following issues:

• Old wounds need to be healed.

In other words, there was some reason why you and your boyfriend broke up in the first place; has this issue been resolved?  If not, it is likely that your relationship may fail again.  You and your boyfriend must find a way to either deal with the problems that led to the break-up or you must jointly decide that the break-up issues are no longer conflicts.  It isn’t enough to simply have regrets about the relationship and how it ended; things must change.


• Let go of old expectations.

If you and your boyfriend decide to give the relationship another try, you will need to learn to treat it as a new relationship--not as an extension of your old one.  This doesn’t mean that you need to completely start fresh; however, you do need to rebuild trust and friendship.  You will need to reassess your goals as a couple and work on creating a new life together.

• Don’t let emotions make decisions about reuniting or about the new relationship.

Of course it can feel quite thrilling to talk again with your ex, and you both may be feeling the euphoria of falling for each other once again.  Yet allowing those feelings to control whether you and your boyfriend get back together could be a mistake.  You both need to think rationally about how a new relationship would be--without letting the floods of emotion overcome you.

 Similarly, when making decisions about the new relationship, it is best to do so calmly and with sensible and reasonable thought.  If either of you allow emotions to cloud your judgment, you may come to regret it later on.

If you really want to get back together with your boyfriend, make sure that you and he are both really ready for another try at the relationship.  By doing so, you could end up saving yourself a great deal of heartache if, for some reason, the relationship does not fare well again.

It may seem quite easy to believe that your boyfriend has changed because of your great desire to reignite the relationship; however, if it isn’t actually true you will just be setting yourself up for failure.  Instead, set yourself up for success by being honest with your boyfriend and making sure that the two of you do not follow the same path that led to your first break-up.

Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage

 

Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage



If your relationship between the two of you to the point of questioning how long you will be together, you may be asking how to save my marriage. Remember that a marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. These problems cannot be solved by just one of you.

Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:

- No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.

- Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.

- Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.

- Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.

- Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved  and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.

If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.

If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.

Advice On Sex To Repair Your Relationship

                                                                  
                                                                   
                                                                   
                                     
  
Advice On Sex To Repair Your Relationship



Being in a bad relationship is a tough thing to do.  Nothing is worse than being married and lonely at the same time.  If you think the best way to save your relationship is to 'spice up your sex life' you may want to think again.  Here is some advice on sex to repair your relationship.

First of all don't buy into the old cliche that if you have great sex your partner will be satisfied and not leave.  Unless your partner is an adolescent, or just acts like one, sex alone won't be enough to keep your relationship strong.  A good adult relationship is made up of many components and until you can get it clicking on at least several levels, not just sexual, you will struggle and most likely won't be happy in the relationship.

A word of caution though, no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect.  You will have times when you and your partner are not on the same page, and that's OK.  It's more about balance, in your relationship as a whole you should be on the same page more often than not. If it's balanced the other way, where you are at odds more often than you are in sync you should seriously consider reevaluating the relationship because the two of you just aren't a good fit, and that's unlikely to change.

So before you decide that hotter sex is the key to making your relationship what you really want it to be, consider some of these points:

1. How was your relationship in the beginning?  Did you have a lot of hobbies that you shared together?  What did you do, besides sex, when you spent time together?  If you don't do those things together anymore, why not?   If you analyze these changes in your relationship you will be a lot closer to figuring out what you need to work on to make your relationship strong again.

2. Have you asked your partner what they think is going on with your relationship?  After all you're both part of the situation, and the problem.  Why not share with each other what you are feeling, instead of complaining to your girlfriends, or buddies, why not ask your partner?  You two know whats really going on and they don't.

Make sure that when you ask your partner what they're thinking you give them the opportunity to tell you how they feel in a 'safe' environment.  What I mean by that is don't get mad and  yell at them if they say something you don't want to hear.  If you do then you are sending them a signal that they can't open up to you or it will get ugly, so they won't turn to you and share their feelings. That is the beginning of the end for many relationships.

Once they've told you how they feel, it's your turn.  And the same rules apply. You have the right to express your feelings without being persecuted by your partner.

If you and your partner have reached a rough patch in your relationship it can be tempting to think that if you can reignite a fire in bed you'll be able to save your relationship, unfortunately that's simply not the case.  Use the advice on sex to repair your relationship tips I've given you above to start to rebuild your relationship in a healthy way. But don't leave out sex and romance, just don't make it your only instrument in reigniting the love and passion in your relationship.

A Man’s Perspective on How to Attract a Guy

A Man’s Perspective on How to Attract a Guy

In needing dating advice from men, many women are really looking to learn what makes a man tick. Furthermore, it’s easy to become discouraged in the world of dating today. Media puts so much pressure on people (women especially) to hold themselves to these unrealistic ideals of “beauty”.

According to popular magazines, a woman might only be beautiful if she is extremely thin, or has full pouty lips, or a deep, dark (and usually artificial by the way) tan. Photos of women who have been air brushed to within inches of their lives and who are often unhealthy because of the pressures of the beauty industry are the photos that real women like you compare themselves to.

As a result, women like you often become discouraged and develop a poor body image. That often snowballs into a dating life that leaves you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. Either you are attracting the wrong kind of men, or you wind up feeling too down on yourself to even bother with dating altogether and are left wondering “will I ever find my true love?”. I would say that’s a pretty sad state of affairs, wouldn’t you?

Every Woman Has Something Beautiful About Them That Makes Them Marriage Material ( yea! )

I’m here to tell you to throw all that “ideal woman” crap out the window. Take it from a man who knows… beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. There is a man out there in this world who thinks YOU are the most beautiful woman on this planet. Don’t despair if you haven’t yet met him, because I guarantee you he is out there, just waiting to be found. You just have to be willing to look.

 And it’s important to remember that while at first glimmer of interest we men might initially start looking at you in a physical way ( Men are more visual, wheres women are more audio). But the real, deeper attraction happens when we start to talk to you and get to know you better. We become attracted to the little quirks that make you unique. Maybe we love the softness of your hands, the dimple in your chin or the way you smell.

 Maybe we love the way you fill out a pair of jeans, or the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile. True attraction happens on a deeper level than just looks. Real beauty isn’t just a pretty face or a perfect body. The men who are marriage material, the men you are looking for YOU; they already know this. They are looking for the beauty inside a woman. They want to find that woman that will look beyond their own flaws too and really see the man they are inside.

Because deep down, we men are concerned also. We secretly reflect on that we may never find Mrs. Right. We get nervous in initiating a conversation or asking a woman out. And just like you we want to be loved, flaws and all. The difference is we’re men. We don’t communicate those things well. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t feeling them also.

 Please stop worrying about whether or not we think you’re beautiful, because chances are we think you’re beyond beautiful. We just don’t know how to say it. Take some pressure off us poor saps and initiate a conversation. Say hello :)

Guy Advice On Healing A Relationship

                                                                      
                                                                   
                                                            
                                
 
Guy Advice On Healing A Relationship

If you're struggling to keep your relationship with your wife or girlfriend from falling apart you will need guy advice on healing a relationship.  You may want to talk to your buddies, but the truth is they probably don't know any more than you do.  Instead read this article for some good advice on repairing your broken relationship.

There are two phrases that should be the building blocks to repairing your relationship: "I'm sorry" and/or "I was wrong".  Neither one will mean a thing if they aren't sincere.  The first thing you have to do to heal your relationship is to be a man and own up to your part in the problems.

Many men seem to think that apologizing is a sign of weakness.  Actually nothing could be further from the truth.  If you think about it, one of the hardest things you will ever do is to admit you were wrong and that you caused someone else's pain, especially someone you love.  That is a hard thing to do.  So apologizing isn't a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of being a man and being strong.

In some ways it might seem easier to just bury your feelings and don't admit that you were wrong or that you are in pain.  Again, a very 'manly' thing to do.  But is it?  While that might be the first thing many men will do, it's not the easiest in the long run.  If you bury those feelings you will never truly be free of them.  They will jump up and haunt you when you least expect it.  No matter how painful it is you need to face them and get over them once and for all.  That's the only real way you can have peace for the rest of your life.

So if you want to heal your relationship you need to honestly access your part in the breakdown of the relationship.  Were you inattentive, did you take your wife/ partner for granted, did you stop making her feel special and loved?

There's a seen in the movie "The Breakup" where Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are fighting.  She had just put in a long day at work and hosted a dinner party and wanted his help to clean up.  She said to him " I want you to want to do the dishes" and, of course, his response was "Why would I want to help you do the dishes"?  A valid question.  Sort of.

I doubt that character really thought she wanted him to want to do the dishes.  What she really wanted was for him to understand that she was tired and wanted to relax too.  She wanted him to show his appreciation of all she does by helping her and taking some of the burden off of her shoulders.

Are you guilty of pretending to be 'stupid'.  Pretending like you don't really know what your wife wants?  Many men fall into that trap, just like in the movie.  They know what their wife is trying to say, they just choose to pretend like they don't because it seems easier than actually helping.  It's selfish.  And it will lead to long term problems. This all goes back to what I was talking about above: making your wife feel appreciated.

The good news is that if you've made some mistakes in the past you can change and become a better man.  You can become the kind of man that you can be proud of and that she can love and respect.  Use this guy advice on healing a relationship as a starting point and you can not only save your relationship but improve it too.

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Love Relationship Advice

                                                                  
                                                                
                                                            
                                   


 Love Relationship Advice


For most people, it's pretty easy to find love.  The challenge often seems to be to be able to make it last.  Keeping your love for each other strong is not impossible.  You just have to understand why it falls apart and make sure you, and your partner, avoid those traps.  That's where love relationship advice comes in handy.

   For most couples the first few months is pretty easy.  You are falling in love and you think the other person is perfect.  You can see no wrong in them or what they do.  And maybe there isn't anything wrong with the way they, or you, act in the early stages of a relationship.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt and if that's true it would go a long way to explaining why the longer a relationship goes on the more it tends to break down.

Here is a list of some of the things you, and your partner, need to be on the lookout for in your relationship.  These are common traps that many couples fall into without realizing it.  If you know what to watch out for and can avoid these mistakes you will have a much better chance of keeping your relationship strong and healthy for a long time:

1. Unrealistic expectations.  As I said above we think our new love can do no wrong.  As our relationship slowly changes from falling in love to being in love and all the day to day stresses and mundane tasks we must face, it's easy to lose some of that early 'glow'.  This can be a pivotal time in many relationships, sometimes the couple will think that they just don't love each other anymore and break up.

In reality, in any long term relationship, you will spend a much longer time in this 'normal' mode than you will in the early 'glow' mode.  It's important to recognize that this is all a normal progression in an adult relationship.

2. Inability to effectively communicate.  Men and women express themselves differently...that's just the way it is.  The good news is that you can learn to communicate with your partner effectively, if you're willing to take some time to learn how. The whole 'it's a guy thing' or 'it's a girl thing' is only true to a point, and is largely just a cop out.

  In reality any mature, intelligent adult should be able to learn how to talk to their partner, and even more importantly, listen to their partner.  The real question is do you care enough about your partner and the relationship to take the time?

3.  Don't confuse sex with love.  This may sound obvious but men and women tend to look at sex in different ways.  Women, for example, tend to look at sex as a way to connect with someone they love on a deeper physical level.  Yes, it's pleasurable, but the pleasure isn't just physical it's emotional as well.

Men tend to look at sex as definition of who they are as a man.  For them too, it's pleasurable but it's also a way to prove their desirability and masculinity.  Sometimes when a relationship gets to the 'comfortable' stage this difference in views about sex can create problems.  If one partner doesn't seem sexually interested in the other partner it can create severe stress on the relationship.

If your relationship gets to this point, it might help if you and your partner can remember that sex is only one small component of every thing your relationship is made up of.  While for many couples, having an active sex life is an important part of the relationship, it's important to understand that as you age and your relationship grows, it probably won't be  quite as important as it once was. That doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you or find you attractive, it's just a fairly common way for long term relationships to go.

I hope this love relationship advice will help you hold on to the love you've found.  Being able to make a deep, long lasting, connection with another person really is one of life's blessings.  Make your connection last by learning how to avoid the pitfalls of some relationships :)

How Can I Get My Husband To Fall In Love With Me Again

How Can I Get My Husband To Fall In Love With Me Again


Whether you feel that you're in a loveless marriage or your marriage has taken a nose dive, you many be asking yourself "How can I get my husband to fall in love with me again? This article will address some ways that can help you win back the heart of your husband (if you've really lost it, that is).

If you happen to be in what you feel is a "loveless marriage", you should understand that if your husband is there, he probably still does love you. "Falling out of love" is a term that is often applied to hum-drum marriages but what it frequently means from the man's point of view is that he has fallen out of love with the way the marriage is going.

 Your husband may have pulled away from you because he is not happy but can offer no more detailed explanation for his feelings. Men have a hard time accurately interpreting and then communicating what they are feeling. Even if they can't put words to it, what they are often feeling is the relationship doesn't make them feel good about themselves anymore.

When you first started your relationship, you were both putting your best foot forward and putting a lot of time and effort into making the other person feel good about you and about themselves.

So your relationship became stronger and both you and your husband felt wanted, important, interesting and competent, just to name a few. For men, these feelings are what makes him feel like he is in love. So, it's important to understand that when your husband says (or you think) he doesn't love you anymore, that might not be true. It's very likely that he's actually mourning the loss of the relationship that made him feel so great about himself.

So, now that you know this. . .what can you do? First, you get it all out. Tell your husband that you are feeling a distance in your marriage and you miss the closeness and intimacy that you both once enjoyed.  Ask him if he wants to improve your marriage. This could scare him because he thinks it will take a lot of work but don't worry about that. The goal here is to communicate your desire to your husband.

Then you show him that he'll probably like what you have in mind. Define what you miss in your relationship. If that happens to be more affection, then show more real affection to your husband. If you want more appreciation, let him know you appreciate him first. Sure, you have to take the first steps, but in time, you'll see that he responds. It's not unusual in the beginning that your husband will just look at you funny or totally reject your attempts. This will probably be hard on your ego but don't give up! You'll see in time that you've found the answer to "How can I get my husband to fall in love with me again?"

Should You Try Getting Over A Relationship Or Put Your Energy Into Getting Your Ex Back

Should You Try Getting Over A Relationship Or Put Your Energy Into Getting Your Ex Back

 When we split from a lover, we can either try getting over a relationship or try getting them back. It obviously depends on whether you still love your ex as to which one you chose. If you do want your ex back, you need to make every attempt to achieve this. You and only you know whether he or she makes you happy and would make your life complete. 

Your family and friends may try to advise you but remember that they are not impartial. They love you and hopefully want what is best for you but sometimes people act with their own interests in mind. If your friends are all single, they may have been jealous of your love affair and would prefer to keep you single. If they didn’t like your partner, they are not going to encourage you to get him/her back. Couples, as we know, break up for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes there is no coming back from the split and you have to accept it.

 Often especially if it was caused by something trivial or a misunderstanding, you could salvage things if only one of you would swallow their pride and initiate contact. Usually this will have to be the man as society still thinks it is the man who should do the chasing. A woman who makes the first move can be seen as being desperate. Examine your own feelings before you decide which option to choose. Do you want to get back with your ex, to dump them so they know how it feels?

 These are games for teenagers to play so if that is your motivation, do yourself a favor and move on. But if you really do believe this person to be your soul mate, you need to plan a way to get them back in your life. Try enlisting the help of their family and friends. Now there is a fine line between asking for help and becoming a stalker so take it slowly. Just happen to be at the places these people hang out i.e. bump into them by accident and see how MS/Mr ex is doing.

 Make sure you are looking good so that the reports back are favorable. If you haven’t slept for days, plaster on the makeup. You do not want it going back to your lover that you looked miserable and suicidal. You could always try the direct approach and contact your former partner. Ask them out for a friendly cup of coffee, tea or meal and see where it goes.

 You never know they could have been dying to make contact but were afraid that you would not entertain them. People are funny creatures –they will often let fear of the unknown hinder their future happiness. Whatever you decide, remember that we only get one shot at life. It is not a dress rehearsal. Getting over a relationship or getting back with your ex are both achievable, the question is which one do you want to succeed at.