A blog from a Relationship Consultant. One that loves what he does and wants to share some of his learning experiences.
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Showing posts with label saving my relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label saving my relationship. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Advice On Sex To Repair Your Relationship
Advice On Sex To Repair Your Relationship
Being in a bad relationship is a tough thing to do. Nothing is worse than being married and lonely at the same time. If you think the best way to save your relationship is to 'spice up your sex life' you may want to think again. Here is some advice on sex to repair your relationship.
First of all don't buy into the old cliche that if you have great sex your partner will be satisfied and not leave. Unless your partner is an adolescent, or just acts like one, sex alone won't be enough to keep your relationship strong. A good adult relationship is made up of many components and until you can get it clicking on at least several levels, not just sexual, you will struggle and most likely won't be happy in the relationship.
A word of caution though, no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. You will have times when you and your partner are not on the same page, and that's OK. It's more about balance, in your relationship as a whole you should be on the same page more often than not. If it's balanced the other way, where you are at odds more often than you are in sync you should seriously consider reevaluating the relationship because the two of you just aren't a good fit, and that's unlikely to change.
So before you decide that hotter sex is the key to making your relationship what you really want it to be, consider some of these points:
1. How was your relationship in the beginning? Did you have a lot of hobbies that you shared together? What did you do, besides sex, when you spent time together? If you don't do those things together anymore, why not? If you analyze these changes in your relationship you will be a lot closer to figuring out what you need to work on to make your relationship strong again.
2. Have you asked your partner what they think is going on with your relationship? After all you're both part of the situation, and the problem. Why not share with each other what you are feeling, instead of complaining to your girlfriends, or buddies, why not ask your partner? You two know whats really going on and they don't.
Make sure that when you ask your partner what they're thinking you give them the opportunity to tell you how they feel in a 'safe' environment. What I mean by that is don't get mad and yell at them if they say something you don't want to hear. If you do then you are sending them a signal that they can't open up to you or it will get ugly, so they won't turn to you and share their feelings. That is the beginning of the end for many relationships.
Once they've told you how they feel, it's your turn. And the same rules apply. You have the right to express your feelings without being persecuted by your partner.
If you and your partner have reached a rough patch in your relationship it can be tempting to think that if you can reignite a fire in bed you'll be able to save your relationship, unfortunately that's simply not the case. Use the advice on sex to repair your relationship tips I've given you above to start to rebuild your relationship in a healthy way. But don't leave out sex and romance, just don't make it your only instrument in reigniting the love and passion in your relationship.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
The Best Spouse Relationships
The Best Spouse Relationships
The best spouse relationships are based on love and respect. That goes without saying, doesn't it? Everyone probably realizes that love and respect are crucial to having a good marriage. But beyond love and respect there are a few things that can help spouse relationships.
Think back to when you were first married. If you're newly married, think back to when you first met and were dating. How did you treat your partner? You probably treated your partner with respect, but also with kindness and thoughtfulness.
Unfortunately, it's common that the longer we know someone, the less kind we tend to be toward them. One would think that the opposite holds true. But we start to take the other person for granted and think they'll always be there, no matter what.
Think of the last time you went to the bank or grocery store and spoke to the cashier. Maybe you exchanged words with a stranger. How was the tone of your voice and your words?
You probably sounded like the sweetest person on the planet. That person might have thought how polite when you walked away.
Now think to the words and the tone of the voice you use with your spouse sometimes. When you get angry or you're unhappy about something, think about how you sound.
Would you ever speak that way to a stranger? If you're thinking probably not then you've started taking advantage of your spouse.
People do it with close friends, parents and children, too. If we could record people's conversations and play them back at a different time, people might be ashamed of how they sounded.
And they probably wouldn't speak that way to someone they didn't know well for fear of hurting their feelings!
Good spouse relationships are kind ones. Everyone gets angry now and then. And yes, everyone says things he or she regrets in an angry and even hateful tone of voice. But you can keep these instances to a minimum by just thinking about whether you'd talk to your postman or your boss that way.
Thoughtfulness is also an important factor in good spouse relationships. People love their spouses, but it seems the longer they're together, the less they sometimes show it. Your spouse is the one person you should make a point of being thoughtful towards, always.
In the beginning when you're first dating someone or first married, you might send (or receive) flowers, cards and little surprises. Generally after people are married for a while, these sorts of things slow down or stop. Why ?
Remembering to be thoughtful and surprise your spouse can help makes yours one of the better spouse relationships. Try to keep in mind that marriage isn't written in stone. There really are other opportunities out there for your spouse. Bring back some of the things you did and said when you were trying to win this person.
Be kind and thoughtful as much as you can. Those combined with love and respect will make yours one of the enduring spouse relationships of a life time.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
4 Great Lessons From Relationships Experts
4 Great Lessons From Relationships Experts
If you've read or listened to relationships experts, you know that some of what they say is just common sense. They tell us things we already know, but they're great at putting it into words and examples that make things easier to understand. The best relationships experts just know how to communicate.
They can take those common sense things and say them in a way that makes you get it. Like the concept of what to expect and what to give in a relationship. This is one of the best lessons you can get from relationships experts.
Very often we go along in a relationship and as time goes on we start to take the other person for granted a little bit. We don't thank them as much, and sometimes we don't do nice things in return for them quite as much.
It's not that we don't want to, but that we simply forget or think there will be time later. After the relationship hit a rocky period or ended. We start to remember to be thoughtful and kind. And it becomes very important to us.. Relationships experts stress that as a good way to keep a relationship strong.
A second great lesson from the experts is to do what the other person will appreciate. This is another great common sense lesson that's all too easy to overlook. It applies to anytime during a relationship but after you've gotten back together from a break up or other bad patches it's even more important.
To do what the other person wants doesn't mean you should never consider yourself. But you should try to do what appeals to them to show them that you care. If it really makes you happy when your boyfriend or husband helps you wash the dishes, then maybe if you helped him with some housework that would make him feel loved, too.
But there may be ways he likes to feel loved that are different. He might be the type of person who likes to hear you say it often, or likes romantic gestures. Even if those things aren't as important to you, you need to do the things that are special to him.
Sometimes we forget that, or we just assume that everyone responds to the same things. But doing what makes the other person feel most special is easy to do, as long as we remind ourselves to do it.
And a lesson that the experts teach that often goes forgotten is respect. Of course, you respect your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife but does it always show? This is part of taking them for granted but goes beyond not thanking them or returning loving gestures.
Often, the person we're closest to gets the brunt of our worst days. We might be late for something and keep them waiting, or we might just accidentally be inconsiderate and not apologize enough. Take a lesson from the relationships experts and ask yourself if you treat your partner with the same respect you would treat a parents or co-worker :)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
Help save marriage from falling apart! comes the cry from many who see their marriage sinking quickly. You have been watching the ship you are on sinking but haven't figured out what to do to stop it. If you aren't ready to see your marriage sink into the abyss, you need help save marriage advice. You need an S.O.S. You need to learn to sacrifice for your marriage, you have to learn to open up and communicate, and you have to learn to simplify your lives so things aren't so complicated.
Sacrifice:
Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren't making matters worse.
Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that's your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.
Open Up:
There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn't healthy for any individual and it especially isn't healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.
There may have been firecrackers going off when the two of you first kissed. It is nothing like the Nuclear Bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring resolution or to communicate problems, the bigger the explosion will be. You need to open up a bit to take off the pressure and help save marriage.
Simplify:
We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.
Consider what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist. Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.
Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much?
Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be.Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.
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Thursday, March 8, 2012
Win Ex Boyfriend Back With Dignity
Win Ex Boyfriend Back With Dignity
When you try to win ex boyfriend back you may feel like you need to go begging on your hands and knees. You may feel that you have to lower yourself and lose every bit of pride that you have. The breakup may have gone a long way towards hurting your pride as it is, there is no need to further hurt your self image. There is no reason that you shouldn't be able to win ex boyfriend back and retain some dignity.
You may feel that you need to go begging back to him but there are things that you can do that won't make that necessary. If you got dumped that was enough to hurt the way you look at yourself. If you broke up with him then, realizing you made a huge mistake, you may feel that you have to go crawling back to ask for forgiveness. That may not be what you need to do to win ex boyfriend back.
If he broke up with you, think about what it was that drew him to you in the first place. What was the attitude you had then? How was your spirit? If you want to rekindle that love that was once there, try putting all the elements back that caused the fire in the first place. Whatever you do, let yourself be visible to him.
Let him see that you are still the same person that he fell in love with once. Let him also know that you know he sees you. Be obvious that you are that person again. If he doesn't notice you, someone else just might and that might not be a bad thing. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. If there is another horse there, they may be more appreciative of what you have to offer.
If you broke up with him, and you believe that it was a mistake, let him know. Let him know that he has every right to be mad but tell him that you don't expect to have him come back. Tell him, Whatever happens from this point is OK with me. I just wanted to let you know that I made a big mistake with you and I'm sorry if I hurt you. Ask for forgiveness, but don't beg for it. Begging is not a good way to win ex boyfriend back.
Also, don't ask to be reunited. You should let him know that you don't expect a second chance and you probably don't deserve one but you really wish that things had worked out differently. Say your piece and then walk away. If he is interested in getting back together with you or is curious about what you are trying to do then let him make the move. It takes strength and character to admit a mistake and an equal amount of it to take the consequences. If he is as special as you believe him to be, he will notice what you have just done and will want to be your boyfriend once again.
Unless you have some amazing love spells, you may find it a huge challenge to win ex boyfriend back.If he is the one and the result is supposed to be marriage or a life long relationship then it will happen. The trick is to get him involved and make it seem like he is pursuing you. Make him want you, again. As hard as it is to do and as humiliated as you could feel, just know that there is a way to win ex boyfriend back and have some dignity doing it.
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Thursday, March 1, 2012
How To Get Lover Back In Love
How To Get Lover Back In Love
The time at the beginning of a love affair are the best and usually the brightest part of the romance. Everything seems so new and exciting and there is this anticipation that both parties feel wondering if this is the one. This point in the relationship is usually called the honeymoon period. It just never seems like it last long enough. Before too long, if there is something at stake in the romance, one or both of them will be asking how to get lover back in love.
After reality sets in there comes some disappointments and with that comes the realization that this isn't as perfect as you had hoped or thought. The ideal relationship that they once thought this was becomes a bit of a disappointment.
For some it takes years before they realize that the flame that had once burned so bright now is but a slowly dying ember. This is usually the point when a lot of marriages or long term relationships will see troubles such as infidelity or possibly a divorce or break up.
For those who aren't willing to let that happen or for those who that has recently happened the thing that they need to do to get help. Get relationship advice from someone who has been there and gotten through it or from someone with ideas that can bring a spark back. Ask someone some help on how to get lover back in love. If you ask how to get lover back in love, you will probably hear some suggestions like increase your communication, take a trip together, or talk about old times.
Communication
It should be one of the most obvious things that you need to do when you want to know how to get lover back to loving you. It doesn't have to be these long, drawn out discussions about what went wrong or something that is bound to bring confrontational feelings out. Small talk is good. Talk about your day. Ask open ended questions about things that will need more than just a quick 'yes' or 'no' answer.
Take A Trip Together
One of the greatest bonding activities is going on a road trip. You could try going somewhere that the two of you used to go early on in the relationship or somewhere brand new. It doesn't matter if it is just a short trip or long one, good can come out of it. It can be a great step towards finding out how to get lover back and the romance alive again.
Talk About The Old Times
It can be a lot of fun to go and take that old drive down memory lane and just ponder all the things that the two of you used to do. Go back and visit the places that meant something to you back when things were new and exciting. Play an old song or album or movie that had some special meaning to you. Make it seem like some random event or something you just thought of.
There are many more things that you could do but one thing that will really help is just breaking up the routine.The key to making these plans work is to make them seem like spontaneous events. Make the road trip together random. Stumble upon the old music or movie and just start playing it. Accidentally open a box that has some old memorabilia that will spark a conversation about the old times. The key to finding out how to get lover back and in love comes with setting things in place for the two of you to fall in love again.
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