A blog from a Relationship Consultant. One that loves what he does and wants to share some of his learning experiences.
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Showing posts with label dealing with being dumped. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dealing with being dumped. Show all posts
Friday, March 7, 2014
Trusting Again Means Trusting Yourself First
Trusting Again Means Trusting Yourself First:
If someone has betrayed your trust, you may think the concept of trusting again is out of reach. Trust is one of those things that must be earned. Therefore, when it's misplaced, it's easy to simply put up a wall between you and the rest of the world to avoid it from ever happening again. Don't live a lonely dissatisfying life without a valuable relationship due to a breach of trust. You can move beyond the pain of broken trust. Just because one person betrayed you, doesn't mean everyone else will too. Trusting again means gaining the confidence that everything will work out for the best, or even better than before.
Two Kinds of Trust Basically, there are two kinds of trust. - Trusting Yourself- Trusting yourself means having the self-belief that all your decisions are based on kindness, love, and respect towards yourself. - Trusting Others- Having faith and trust in others means believing that their choices in life are based on the kindness, love, and respect they have towards you. It's harder to trust others if you don't trust yourself first.
Be Kind and Loving to Yourself -You may think you have lost the ability to trust. But is that actually true? When you give your order at your favorite restaurant, don't you trust they will bring the food to you? Even though there's big trust and small trust, trust is still trust. What you really want is to believe and relax in the fact that you won't get hurt again. That takes trust. Focus on the positive aspects of people to bring out the positive in them. This will restore your confidence in others and bring back the trust factor.
You are Perfect Just the Way You Are- Contrary to what anyone says, you are a perfect and wholesome human being just the way you are. How do I know that? Because we all are. And the only reason you may feel like you are less than perfect is because you are not letting it naturally shine through, but it is definitely there. No one has the power to take anything away from you - including trust. You can never be "less" without a certain person's love, approval, and trust since you are "whole" in your natural state. Encourage the Possibilities, Trust is an essential element to all human relations.
You can't start a new relationship if you truly believe that once someone betrays your trust, trust is gone forever. You simply cannot live in a past relationship and expect your new one to succeed. If you are still harboring feelings of resentment due to a betrayal, your new partner will feel it and likewise not trust you. How is this moving forward? It's time to start trusting again and be happy. Look for Trustworthy People Trusting again means actively looking for trust and kindness in others. What does your gut feeling (intuition) tell you about this person? If you are on the fence whether or not you should trust someone, watch and observe how they treat other people.
Keep in mind you can't judge a book by its cover. Some of the most attractive people by all appearances have the ugliest behavior behind closed doors. If you are in a new relationship, don't give your heart away too fast. Start small and see where it goes. Even the smallest breach of trust is a red flag. This new person must earn both your trust and respect.
Generally, if someone is trustworthy with the little things in life, it's a good indicator you can trust them with the big things as well. Believe that you deserve a trusting and long-lasting relationship and you will increase your chances of manifesting it. Remember, what you think about comes about. Trusting again - you can do it.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Im Still In Love With My Ex But I Think Its Over For Good
Im Still In Love With My Ex But I Think Its Over For Good
If you're saying I'm still in love with my ex, but you feel like it's finally over for good, then you need to stop looking on dark side and think positively. There are plenty of relationships that look as if they're over, but the reality is that people find a way back together.
Before you launch into a full on attempt to win back your love, make sure your relationship is a relationship that should be saved! Too often relationships that should remain dead are revived with dire consequences. So ask yourself this: did your relationship involve physical and or emotional abuse? If the answer is yes you need to accept that this kind of relationship is best left over with. Instead work at restoring any eroded self-esteem and move on.
However, if your relationship was simply a falling out, misunderstanding or maybe a loss of trust then that is completely recoverable even if only one of you wants it, you just have to find the right course.
What's good about declaring I'm still in love with my ex! is you no doubt had a really strong relationship with your ex and if you feel that you're still in love with them, then chances are they feel the same about you.
Provided some weeks have past, you should take a moment to call your ex and ask if you can have a talk with them. Don't make it sound as though you are begging and pleading for the meeting, just make it sound as casual as you can.
Arrange for the meeting to take place somewhere neutral where neither of you will be tempted to cause a scene or let your emotions take over. If you are really seriously stating that I'm still in love with my ex then you will need to take some time to figure out what you are going to say to get them back.
You don't need to take notes, but you need to have it clear in your mind. So be sure to take some time to figure out why you want your ex back. Yes you're still in love with them and that in itself is a good reason, but try and give your ex tangible reasons why they should take you back.
Talk about your dreams and aspirations and explain to them where you see them fitting into those dreams and aspirations, however don't make the mistake of making your ex the be all and end all of your dreams. Don't put yourself in a position where if they don't agree to the reconciliation that your dreams are ruined. You don't want to come across as needy and fixated, you just want your ex to know that there is a real place for them in your life.
You then need to give your ex the space to express themselves and you need to listen to what they say. Do all of that and your declaration that I'm still in love with my ex should give you a reciprocal answer from your ex.
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Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I Want My Ex Back How Can I Get Them Back
I Want My Ex Back How Can I Get Them Back
So you've been on your own for a couple of weeks now and you wake up one morning with this burning thought in your mind I want my ex back! Which is a pretty normal reaction if you find that you're still in love with your ex. What is also natural is that you will find you have no real idea how to go about getting them back. So you end up looking around for help in order that you don't make a complete mess in your attempt to win them back.
Well first of all, before you go off trying to get your ex back, make sure that you're not going through the natural grieving process that comes at the end of a relationship. At the end of most relationships there is a period when the hurt and missing is so intense that it is akin to the grieving process. During this process it is very natural to have the feeling I want my ex back!and for that feeling to be all consuming.
This is because you are grieving for all the dreams and hopes you had that were wrapped up in your ex love and your ex relationship. So make real sure that you're not going through this process before you attempt to get them back.
Assuming that it is more than natural grieving, you are now ready to make good on your thought that I want my ex back! your next move should always be to figure out what went wrong.
This is important, because unless you take the time to go over the mistakes that you might have made, then getting back with your ex will only eventually lead to the same break down in the relationship as before and that will do neither of you any good. So own your mistakes and anything that you might have done wrong to contribute to the break down of the relationship.
A vital tip to remember is not to focus on what you believe your ex might have done wrong. Let them take care of their stuff for now and you take care of your own. There is time in the future for the two of you to dig around in the collective causes, but for now, you must work on your own issues and mistakes.
If you're sincerely clear that I want my ex back! then all that has been outlined is really the start that you need to take to get back with your ex and to secure a future for the two of you that will not fall into the same mistakes and pitfalls of before.
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Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
Help save marriage from falling apart! comes the cry from many who see their marriage sinking quickly. You have been watching the ship you are on sinking but haven't figured out what to do to stop it. If you aren't ready to see your marriage sink into the abyss, you need help save marriage advice. You need an S.O.S. You need to learn to sacrifice for your marriage, you have to learn to open up and communicate, and you have to learn to simplify your lives so things aren't so complicated.
Sacrifice:
Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren't making matters worse.
Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that's your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.
Open Up:
There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn't healthy for any individual and it especially isn't healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.
There may have been firecrackers going off when the two of you first kissed. It is nothing like the Nuclear Bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring resolution or to communicate problems, the bigger the explosion will be. You need to open up a bit to take off the pressure and help save marriage.
Simplify:
We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.
Consider what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist. Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.
Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much?
Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be.Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.
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Monday, March 19, 2012
My Boyfriend Dumped Me - Picking Myself Back Up
My Boyfriend Dumped Me - Picking Myself Back Up
I feel like dying because my boyfriend dumped me! It isn't the end of the world and it isn't even close. Even though it hurts, it isn't going to last forever. This is something that you can and will get over. It will take some work, some help, some readjusting in the way you think, and some time. Be sure that just because you are upset that my boyfriend dumped me doesn't mean that life stops, life goes on. Be ready for it.
Getting past the idea that my boyfriend dumped me isn't going to be easy but it also isn't going to be impossible. You are going to have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move along. The alternative means that you will be stuck wallowing in your own misery.That is no life that you want to have then do what it takes to get out of it. It takes work to climb back out of the pit but the work is worth it and so are you.
Don't be afraid to ask for help but be careful where it is that you ask for it. If you are battling depression because of it, seek professional help. This doesn't mean that you are going crazy, depression is something that many people deal with so don't worry about people judging you. Do try to beat it, though.
It may be, though, that you have good friends or family that can help you out while you are trying to deal with that fact that my boyfriend dumped me. Be careful to not lay too much on these people, though, and when you ask for advice, follow it. If you are constantly complaining about your life and the situation but aren't following up on what advice is given, they are going to reach a point that you don't want. They are going to get tired of you and cut you off or seriously consider it.
You should also re-frame the way you look at the situation. Try looking at it from a different angle or perspective. While you may see it as the end of the world, from another person's perspective, it may not be. Try to find that other person's perspective. Try to see what good it is that you have to offer someone. What are your best qualities? For sure there is going to be someone out there who will appreciate them. Wait for them to come along.
While you are waiting, find some way to improve yourself. Find something that you have long dreamed about doing and throw your life into it. If there is something non-romantic that you have longed to achieve in life, pursue it. Do you want to make yourself better in anyway, now is the time to do it. Try to find someway to use this time and that negative energy you have will disappear, do something positive with it.
The end result will be a happier you.Once you have found that happiness, it will become magnetic and draw in the person that you dream of, the one that makes you smile and makes you feel like you belong. It will make you look back on this dark time in your life when you were crying because my boyfriend dumped me and see it as one of the best things that ever happened to you.
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Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Secret To Letting Go After Divorce
The Secret To Letting Go After Divorce
One of the most difficult things to do after divorce is to let go and move on emotionally. This means letting go of all of the pain, anger and hurt your spouse has caused you. It sounds easier than it is. So just how to you let go of those negative feelings towards your ex?
You must remember: accept and forgive. It doesn’t mean you want to go back and live it over. It doesn’t mean you would keep the marriage together. It means you can move on with your own life, and live with the fact that your ex is doing the same thing.
Your ex-spouse’s life is meant to take a different path. If you have children then you will always be part of each others lives. But you will be able to detach and view your ex as the parent of your children instead of as your spouse. A new relationship will emerge. The roles are different. You choose how you are going to play this out. You can deal with your spouse either with kindness and understanding, having truly put the pain of divorce behind you, or you can harbor ill feelings and hang on to old hurts and feelings of betrayal. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. One road leads to peace and serenity and the other to anger, frustration, and pain.
This is your time of refection and soul-searching. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will reach it. Right now you may not be able see past the hurt, anger, and pain. But trust me, life will become joyful and complete once again. You get to decide the life you want to have. Don’t turn bitter. It may be the easy path now, but later on it will be the hard road, and there won’t be any exits. How you see your divorce is the most essential choice you will make.
Say to yourself that , I now see my divorce for the many gifts it will bring to my life. Amidst the pain and sorrow, I will learn some tremendous life lessons. Now I can bring these into my new life and create a more compelling future. Listen to your heart. Trust in the knowledge that you will survive this devastating loss. You will survive, and you will thrive again. For Your information on The Secret To Letting Go After Divorce:
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