A blog from a Relationship Consultant. One that loves what he does and wants to share some of his learning experiences.
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Showing posts with label help save marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label help save marriage. Show all posts
Monday, May 14, 2012
Is There Hope To Save A Marriage
Is There Hope To Save A Marriage
With divorce as common as it is these days, it's easy to understand why so many with marital troubles start to wonder, Is there hope to save a marriage once it really hits the skids? Is there really no turning back?
The good news is that there are realistic reasons to believe that you can bring your marriage back from the brink of divorce. Not only that, but you can use the opportunity to build an even closer and richer relationship than you had before. So the answer to the question, Is there hope to save a marriage? is definitely Yes!
Second chances work!
In the late 1980's, the National Survey of Families and Households in the US tracked 645 spouses who rated their marriages as unhappy. The survey found that those who agreed to put off divorce and give the marriage a second chance rated their marriage as happy five years later. Sometimes it's just a matter of taking a deep breath and agreeing to invest some time in working through your problems.
Where's the love?
Marriage counselors rely on the fact that no matter how much some couples argue, most still have a basic respect and concern for each other. After all, unless you're in an arranged marriage, you chose your partner because you saw a good amount of positive qualities in them.
Those qualities are still there, even though you might not see them as clearly today or other less appetizing personality traits have cropped up in front of them. If you can remember the good times, you stand a good chance of reviving the positive feelings you had for each other and using those as a springboard for making up.
You can change things by yourself!
One of the biggest misconceptions about rescuing a marriage is that both sides have to want to save it. While it's true that both sides have to give up the idea of divorce eventually, one spouse alone can still take steps to turn things around and buy a little time while the other reconsiders. The reason is that if you change your approach to your spouse, they'll naturally change their behavior, too, and you start a positive cycle of improvement.
Right advice helps!
The trouble with relying on your own judgment alone to make up with your spouse is that you're too close to the problem. To make matters worse, this is such an emotionally charged issue that even the most stable, logical person can easily overreact. That's why having input from a knowledgeable, neutral third party is so invaluable. A marriage counselor is the obvious choice, but if you can't afford one or your partner refuses to go, there are other sources of advice such as the marriage self-help e books available online or at your local bookstore.
Before you start thinking the only answer to the question, Is there hope to save a marriage? is No, take a deep breath and look at the realities. If you can get your spouse to agree to work out your problems together, you stand an excellent chance of avoiding divorce. Even if you,re the only one who wants to stay together, though, you can still turn things around just by changing your own behavior.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
How To Win Your Love Back And Keep Them
How To Win Your Love Back And Keep Them
If you're looking around wondering how to win your love back, then you've no doubt found yourself in a situation where you're still in love with your ex, but your ex has walked out of the relationship.
Your first step to win your love back has to be to take some time out and get your head together. It would be a big mistake to try and win back your ex within days of the breakup, particularly if it has been a messy breakup. So make sure that you take some time to sort yourself out.
Your first thought should always be to look after yourself. That means avoiding your ex and making no contact with them at all. It's not going to be easy to go from being in a relationship with your ex to making no contact with your ex, but it is vital that you do.
Contacting your ex makes you weak and puts you in a negative and vulnerable position. Particularly if your ex has asked to be left alone. Constantly calling or trying to see your ex means that you become less appealing to them. Exs hate needy and desperate, so back off if you want to win your love back.
Instead, work at sorting yourself out. As you focus on yourself make sure that you're not spending all your time on your own. It is very easy to find that when the love of your life walks out on you that you end up filling that space doing nothing but thinking about them. This is a surefire way to find yourself depressed and low and recovering from depression brings a whole other level of problems that you don't need.
Get out and about and reconnect with your family and friends. Meet new people and make yourself have some fun. Yeah, it's not going to be easy, but if it's the way forward to figuring out how to win your love back, then you have to do it.
As you slowly get back on your feet after the shock of the breakup, you should then begin to think about any role that you might have played in the breakup of the relationship.
It is very easy to blame your ex for everything that has gone wrong, but remember, it takes two to make a relationship and two to break that relationship. So during this time away from your ex as you work on figuring out how to get back with them, make sure that you are honest with yourself and that you claim any part of the breakup that is due to you.
Did you make a mistake that caused the break down of the relationship? If you did, then you need to figure out how you're going to rectify the behavior that led to the mistake and the eventual breakup.
Though some of the outlined steps might seem counter-intuitive, if you're serious about figuring out how to win your love back, they are steps that you must take.
For your information on How To Win Your Love Back And Keep Them:
Saturday, March 31, 2012
How You Can Save Marriage By Creating Intimacy
How You Can Save Marriage By Creating Intimacy
When your marriage hits rocky waters you must firmly believe that you can save marriage in order to save the marriage. If you don't believe that as fact, then there is nothing you do that will make a blind bit of difference. So right now, believe that it is possible for you to save the marriage.
A common missing ingredient for marriages in trouble is a lack of intimacy. For a marriage to be happy there must be a level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical and wholeheartedly embraces the emotional. Ask yourself this, does my marriage suffer from a lack of intimacy?
Are you open and transparent with your spouse? Do you share and include or do you exclude and keep your emotions and emotional needs locked away and try and deal with things on your own? If you exclude your spouse emotionally, then your marriage lacks intimacy and it's time to inject some and get on the road to save marriage.
Make sure that you're making every attempt to share your problems and worries with your spouse. Too often people find themselves worried and preoccupied with a situation. Instead of sharing this situation with their spouse, they decide to try and deal with it on their own. This is a big mistake because it excludes your spouse when you should be including them.
Remember, spouses can very easily sense when something is wrong and if you exclude them, they quickly begin to feel shut out and redundant and that's when hurt can quickly find its way into a marriage.
Another way to inject intimacy into your marriage so that you can save marriage is to make time for your marriage. In this day and age when a thousand and one things can encroach on your time, not making time for your marriage is a surefire way for a marriage to hit trouble. It's no fun discovering that when you were busy carving out a career or focusing your time on attending to the kids, that your marriage just shriveled up and died.
Make sure that if you want to save marriage that you're actively making time for your spouse and your marriage. Once in a while take an impromptu afternoon off and have some fun with your spouse. When your spouse realizes that you value them to the extent of changing your schedule to include them, you will begin to see an improved difference in your marriage.
Creating and fostering intimacy in your marriage so that you can save marriage will take time and is an ongoing process. Don't ever make the mistake of allowing your marriage to be left set on auto-pilot. A healthy and intimate marriage is one that is attended to regularly, only then will it thrive.
For your information on How You Can Save Marriage By Creating Intimacy:
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis
Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis
A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it's own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a new life together.
When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren't ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.
Get Counseling:
One of the most underutilized and overlooked opportunities for a marriage in crisis is getting marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will go a long ways towards helping you not only find resolution to your conflicts but will help the two of you find ways to grow closer together. Marriage counseling will help you be better able to understand each other.
Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don't come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.
Get Perspective:
For a marriage in crisis, one of the most important thing that needs to be done is to get some perspective on what is happening. This is one area that a marriage counselor will be helpful because it will help you to look at things and situations from other perspective.
From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn't understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.
Get Resolve:
Once you have been able to get some perspective on the crisis at hand and are getting counseling, you will have a lot of information and ideas to go off of. Those will help repair the damage that is done if you are able to act on it. Knowing is half the battle but no battle half fought was ever won.
If you see a drowning person and you not only know how to swim but know CPR and are trained in first aid, you may know everything you need to know to help save that person's life. Will that knowledge save them? Only if it is acted upon.
The same thing is true with your marriage.It just takes you acting upon it and getting resolved the issues that were killing your marriage. A marriage in crisis can only be saved if you act to make things better.
For your information on Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis:
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
PULL It Together - Help Save Marriage
PULL It Together - Help Save Marriage
Those who want help save marriage from ending in divorce need to PULL it together. It is a hard thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart. It's heart breaking to sit by as the two of you start going your separate ways. If you don't want that to happen then do something about it. Pull it together to help save marriage.
Chill out:
Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.
The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.
Understand what is happening:
While you are chilling out and taking a moment to breathe, take a look at what is happening. This is where you try and look at the big picture and then look at things from other perspectives. From where you are standing at the moment things may look pretty bad. Try to look at it from other perspectives and it might not be as bad as you thought.
Try looking at it from an outsiders perspective and from the one you love. From those other perspectives you might find out why things have been getting out of control. There may be a relatively simple solution to help save marriage.
Laugh at yourselves:
This doesn't mean to make light of the situation but it does mean don't take yourselves so seriously. It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills. Things snowball out of control but when you are able to see what it was that actually made the snowball you may end up laughing at it.
It can be hilarious to find out how a minuscule thing can turn into something so huge when it didn't have to. It can be hilarious if you are willing to let it be. Many times when people go through a rough time they will say, Some day we are going to look back at this and laugh! Why wait?
Look for ways to improve:
Once you have had a chance to step back and catch your breath and then been able to get some perspective on the situation, you can move on. When you have realized that at it's root, this situation or problems that you have been struggling with is really small and manageable you can get things on track.
The next thing that you need to do is commit yourself to finding a way to improve.If you are responsible for the little things that get blown out of proportion, then try stopping it. If you have learned that you overreact, then stop it. Improve the way you handle situations and everything else may just fall into place to help save marriage.
To help save marriage, PULL together and bring back what belongs together...the two of you.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry
Help save marriage from falling apart! comes the cry from many who see their marriage sinking quickly. You have been watching the ship you are on sinking but haven't figured out what to do to stop it. If you aren't ready to see your marriage sink into the abyss, you need help save marriage advice. You need an S.O.S. You need to learn to sacrifice for your marriage, you have to learn to open up and communicate, and you have to learn to simplify your lives so things aren't so complicated.
Sacrifice:
Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren't making matters worse.
Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that's your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.
Open Up:
There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn't healthy for any individual and it especially isn't healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.
There may have been firecrackers going off when the two of you first kissed. It is nothing like the Nuclear Bomb that could go off when you have let things stay bottled up for two long in a marriage. The longer you wait to bring resolution or to communicate problems, the bigger the explosion will be. You need to open up a bit to take off the pressure and help save marriage.
Simplify:
We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.
Consider what it is that you really need to have in a mate. What is it you really need to exist. Try and simplify it as much as possible. Stop looking at all the details and try to find the root of the problems.
Are you making too many demands? Are you being too picky about how you think things should be? Are you expecting too much?
Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be.Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.
For your information on Help Save Marriage My SOS Cry:
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