A blog from a Relationship Consultant. One that loves what he does and wants to share some of his learning experiences.
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Showing posts with label dealing with ending a relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dealing with ending a relationship. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Im Still In Love With My Ex But I Think Its Over For Good
Im Still In Love With My Ex But I Think Its Over For Good
If you're saying I'm still in love with my ex, but you feel like it's finally over for good, then you need to stop looking on dark side and think positively. There are plenty of relationships that look as if they're over, but the reality is that people find a way back together.
Before you launch into a full on attempt to win back your love, make sure your relationship is a relationship that should be saved! Too often relationships that should remain dead are revived with dire consequences. So ask yourself this: did your relationship involve physical and or emotional abuse? If the answer is yes you need to accept that this kind of relationship is best left over with. Instead work at restoring any eroded self-esteem and move on.
However, if your relationship was simply a falling out, misunderstanding or maybe a loss of trust then that is completely recoverable even if only one of you wants it, you just have to find the right course.
What's good about declaring I'm still in love with my ex! is you no doubt had a really strong relationship with your ex and if you feel that you're still in love with them, then chances are they feel the same about you.
Provided some weeks have past, you should take a moment to call your ex and ask if you can have a talk with them. Don't make it sound as though you are begging and pleading for the meeting, just make it sound as casual as you can.
Arrange for the meeting to take place somewhere neutral where neither of you will be tempted to cause a scene or let your emotions take over. If you are really seriously stating that I'm still in love with my ex then you will need to take some time to figure out what you are going to say to get them back.
You don't need to take notes, but you need to have it clear in your mind. So be sure to take some time to figure out why you want your ex back. Yes you're still in love with them and that in itself is a good reason, but try and give your ex tangible reasons why they should take you back.
Talk about your dreams and aspirations and explain to them where you see them fitting into those dreams and aspirations, however don't make the mistake of making your ex the be all and end all of your dreams. Don't put yourself in a position where if they don't agree to the reconciliation that your dreams are ruined. You don't want to come across as needy and fixated, you just want your ex to know that there is a real place for them in your life.
You then need to give your ex the space to express themselves and you need to listen to what they say. Do all of that and your declaration that I'm still in love with my ex should give you a reciprocal answer from your ex.
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Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I Want My Ex Back How Can I Get Them Back
I Want My Ex Back How Can I Get Them Back
So you've been on your own for a couple of weeks now and you wake up one morning with this burning thought in your mind I want my ex back! Which is a pretty normal reaction if you find that you're still in love with your ex. What is also natural is that you will find you have no real idea how to go about getting them back. So you end up looking around for help in order that you don't make a complete mess in your attempt to win them back.
Well first of all, before you go off trying to get your ex back, make sure that you're not going through the natural grieving process that comes at the end of a relationship. At the end of most relationships there is a period when the hurt and missing is so intense that it is akin to the grieving process. During this process it is very natural to have the feeling I want my ex back!and for that feeling to be all consuming.
This is because you are grieving for all the dreams and hopes you had that were wrapped up in your ex love and your ex relationship. So make real sure that you're not going through this process before you attempt to get them back.
Assuming that it is more than natural grieving, you are now ready to make good on your thought that I want my ex back! your next move should always be to figure out what went wrong.
This is important, because unless you take the time to go over the mistakes that you might have made, then getting back with your ex will only eventually lead to the same break down in the relationship as before and that will do neither of you any good. So own your mistakes and anything that you might have done wrong to contribute to the break down of the relationship.
A vital tip to remember is not to focus on what you believe your ex might have done wrong. Let them take care of their stuff for now and you take care of your own. There is time in the future for the two of you to dig around in the collective causes, but for now, you must work on your own issues and mistakes.
If you're sincerely clear that I want my ex back! then all that has been outlined is really the start that you need to take to get back with your ex and to secure a future for the two of you that will not fall into the same mistakes and pitfalls of before.
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Monday, March 26, 2012
Im Still In Love With My Ex
Im Still In Love With My Ex
If you find yourself saying, I'm still in love with my ex you aren't alone. There are many who find themselves at the end of a long term romance or marriage still clinging to hope that they might bring it back. Just because it seems like things are darkest and that there is no hope doesn't mean that there isn't any.
There is still a chance that what you had can come back even stronger. When you are saying I'm still in love with my ex and you want to get that love back it is going to have to come back stronger if it is going to last.
For those of you saying, I'm still in love with my ex you may have a desire to turn back the clock and bring back what was lost. Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it and have the same results.
Look carefully at the mistakes that was made in the past and find out not only why they were made, but why they were able to have the impact on your relationship the way they did. You need to be able to make a stronger foundation than you had before.
You are going to have to try and start from ground zero. To get back together with the one you love, you are going to have to try and start all over again. Just find a way to do it better. Tell yourself, "I'm still in love with my ex, but I want it to be better than before."
Try re-establishing a friendship. Take it slow. If your ex feels like you are trying to make things like they were, they may be resistant to it. Don't push things, just let things take their course. If the two of you are supposed to be together, it will happen. Just let it happen naturally.
Think positively about it. Don't let your ex see you crying or depressed about it. You want to try and make it look like you are a joy to come back to. If your ex sees that you are walking around depressed, they may decide that they don't want to have that in their lives. If they see that for you life has gone on and you are happy they may want to join you in your happiness.
Try to think of what type of person you would like to be with. Do you think that they would want to be with that type of person as well? People want to be with happy people who can brighten their day and make them smile. People want to be with someone who makes them feel that they have a purpose and that they aren't alone. Try to be someone that makes someone feel like that. Make your ex feel special by just being an encouraging friend.
If you make yourself valuable to your ex and are able to make them feel valuable as well, you may have a chance to bring back lost love.You may also be making a foundation that will last forever. It is a good thing to say I'm still in love with my ex, for all the right reasons.It is an even better thing to try and make the foundation of that love stronger.
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Monday, March 19, 2012
My Boyfriend Dumped Me - Picking Myself Back Up
My Boyfriend Dumped Me - Picking Myself Back Up
I feel like dying because my boyfriend dumped me! It isn't the end of the world and it isn't even close. Even though it hurts, it isn't going to last forever. This is something that you can and will get over. It will take some work, some help, some readjusting in the way you think, and some time. Be sure that just because you are upset that my boyfriend dumped me doesn't mean that life stops, life goes on. Be ready for it.
Getting past the idea that my boyfriend dumped me isn't going to be easy but it also isn't going to be impossible. You are going to have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move along. The alternative means that you will be stuck wallowing in your own misery.That is no life that you want to have then do what it takes to get out of it. It takes work to climb back out of the pit but the work is worth it and so are you.
Don't be afraid to ask for help but be careful where it is that you ask for it. If you are battling depression because of it, seek professional help. This doesn't mean that you are going crazy, depression is something that many people deal with so don't worry about people judging you. Do try to beat it, though.
It may be, though, that you have good friends or family that can help you out while you are trying to deal with that fact that my boyfriend dumped me. Be careful to not lay too much on these people, though, and when you ask for advice, follow it. If you are constantly complaining about your life and the situation but aren't following up on what advice is given, they are going to reach a point that you don't want. They are going to get tired of you and cut you off or seriously consider it.
You should also re-frame the way you look at the situation. Try looking at it from a different angle or perspective. While you may see it as the end of the world, from another person's perspective, it may not be. Try to find that other person's perspective. Try to see what good it is that you have to offer someone. What are your best qualities? For sure there is going to be someone out there who will appreciate them. Wait for them to come along.
While you are waiting, find some way to improve yourself. Find something that you have long dreamed about doing and throw your life into it. If there is something non-romantic that you have longed to achieve in life, pursue it. Do you want to make yourself better in anyway, now is the time to do it. Try to find someway to use this time and that negative energy you have will disappear, do something positive with it.
The end result will be a happier you.Once you have found that happiness, it will become magnetic and draw in the person that you dream of, the one that makes you smile and makes you feel like you belong. It will make you look back on this dark time in your life when you were crying because my boyfriend dumped me and see it as one of the best things that ever happened to you.
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Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Im Having Trouble Dealing With Break Up
Im Having Trouble Dealing With Break Up
When you are having trouble dealing with break up it is only natural. There is nothing to be ashamed of because everyone does. The important thing to do is to decide how you are going to deal with break up.
You have two ways that you can go about dealing with break up. The first is to let it tear you apart. The second is to overcome it and become stronger because of it. There is a saying that that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger but that all depends on your attitude and how you decide you will be dealing with break up.
This break up may have been the most devastating thing you have gone through but you don't have to let it destroy you. What makes you a survivor is you deciding that this moment will not define you. A marriage ending in divorce or any type of relationship ending is difficult. If it was due to someone's infidelity or an affair then you may have self-esteem issues that you need to get some counseling to help you through it. The same is especially true if there was abuse of any kind involved.
If you were on either side of those issues, seek some help. Dealing with break up for any reason can cause some long-term problems if they aren't dealt with soon.
When you are dealing with break up you want to be strong after you have gone through all of it. By deciding that you are going to come out a winner and stronger you are going to be helping yourself by giving yourself some positive focus and good goals to achieve. Don't let this consume you. You have to be able to move on. Winning this is learning that there is life after this relationship and finding that life.
Also, don't decide that you just want to survive, decide that you are going to THRIVE! Realize that your best days are ahead of you. Wake up each morning trying to focus on what good things can come on this day and try to be excited about what tomorrow holds. Focus on the good things that life has to offer. Life isn't over just because that relationship ended. You don't have to lie to yourself and others. Believe that today is a gift and that you are fortunate because you have an unopened gift waiting for you just around the corner. Once you start believing that, you won't have any more problems dealing with the breakup.
Breaking up is hard to do but it is only as devastating as you let it be. A nasty breakup doesn't have to be the end of you. It can and will be a new beginning. The breakup of a relationship doesn't have to bring the breaking up of your life. If you build a new foundation from the ruins of this tough breakup, chances are that you will have no problem dealing with break up in the future.
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Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Secret To Letting Go After Divorce
The Secret To Letting Go After Divorce
One of the most difficult things to do after divorce is to let go and move on emotionally. This means letting go of all of the pain, anger and hurt your spouse has caused you. It sounds easier than it is. So just how to you let go of those negative feelings towards your ex?
You must remember: accept and forgive. It doesn’t mean you want to go back and live it over. It doesn’t mean you would keep the marriage together. It means you can move on with your own life, and live with the fact that your ex is doing the same thing.
Your ex-spouse’s life is meant to take a different path. If you have children then you will always be part of each others lives. But you will be able to detach and view your ex as the parent of your children instead of as your spouse. A new relationship will emerge. The roles are different. You choose how you are going to play this out. You can deal with your spouse either with kindness and understanding, having truly put the pain of divorce behind you, or you can harbor ill feelings and hang on to old hurts and feelings of betrayal. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. One road leads to peace and serenity and the other to anger, frustration, and pain.
This is your time of refection and soul-searching. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will reach it. Right now you may not be able see past the hurt, anger, and pain. But trust me, life will become joyful and complete once again. You get to decide the life you want to have. Don’t turn bitter. It may be the easy path now, but later on it will be the hard road, and there won’t be any exits. How you see your divorce is the most essential choice you will make.
Say to yourself that , I now see my divorce for the many gifts it will bring to my life. Amidst the pain and sorrow, I will learn some tremendous life lessons. Now I can bring these into my new life and create a more compelling future. Listen to your heart. Trust in the knowledge that you will survive this devastating loss. You will survive, and you will thrive again. For Your information on The Secret To Letting Go After Divorce:
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship??
How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship??
Here are some clues:
Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others. While your partner says they love you, their actions don't back it up.Your partner is controlling ,reading your mail or showing up at places you are at just to check up on you. Your partner tries to make you dependent on them. You have changed things about yourself to please them.
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship?
Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
A toxic relationship has a cycle. There's a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation at which point the cycle begins anew.
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they've sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out
One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they're doing it.
And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these are couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault( which its not). Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships. The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds. But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it:
The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you're willing to walk away.
If you aren't willing to walk away, you'll never be able to heal that which divides you.
Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don't nag the other person. Simply say I need your Support, I Need your Love, or I Need your Truthful Opinion.
If you don't get what you Need, the other person should know that you're prepared to Walk.
A Healthy Relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the Power to change that, but you must take the Power into your own Hands.
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