Steps to Potent Passion

Steps to Potent Passion  

Couples seek ways to fire up their lives. Often the word passion denotes a focus on the bedroom. Passion means more than strictly a physical connection. 

Passion builds an existing connection. Couples without connection rarely create the heat necessary to spark deep and lasting passion. Taking the small steps permit couples to move toward greater passion and find the right spot to light the fire they need.

Changes Are Key

Routine allows couples to possess a sense of continuity in their relationship. A fine line exists between comfort and staleness. Couples who experience the same things repeatedly have tendency fall closer to complacency. They sense everything is fine and will always be that way.

This makes throwing a little variety critical to ignite passion. Step one is making a change, any change, and see where things go. Some ways to shake things up can include planning an event with a small amount of direct interaction like a concert. Travel provides an easy way to change things up by drastically altering the surroundings, entertainment options and local cuisine making passion a pleasurable byproduct.

Take More Risks

Couples looking to fire things up must do more than just change things. Making an effort by expanding their horizons offers an opening for passion to enter. Risks come in several stripes. What may sound daring to one partner may be dipping a toe in the pool for another. 

Talking about what to do, how risky to be and getting comfortable with the expectations assures both people will not be uncomfortable when the time comes to jump in the water. 

One should never force their partner into things they do not want to do because nothing stifles passion like an unwilling participant. Let's look at some guidelines for stretching the boundaries.

* Make It New for Both of You: No one should be an expert because it allow growth and comfort for both of you.
* Be Open: Saying yes, even with the possibility of appearing foolish, will generate a thrill leading to enriching passion.
* Laugh About the Mistakes: Doing something risky means things might not go perfectly and laughing about the foibles free everyone up to do it again.

Contact Is Critical

Passion grows best in an environment where every level of relational contact is present. Couples who communicate well, trust one another and connect find passion in almost everything they do. They relish the new things they experience while enjoying tasks other may find mundane.

Physical contact is more than merely sexual contact. Hand holding can occur in the grocery store or after an mud run where both people are filthy and tired. Simple touching can grow to more intimate contact. Stolen kisses linger for longer and longer making skin warm to match beating hearts.

More important than mere physical contact is a meeting of a couple's hearts. Hearts united and open will give each person the freedom they need to share the deepest longings, desires and truths. In the cauldron of deep love, passion blazes bright. Couples are able to maintain a passion like this because of the trust they have in each other.

Passion proves best when maintained and grown over time. Phases of life exist where passion flees. Often outside circumstances rob couples of their passion. 

One of the saddest days occur when a couple surrenders their passion thinking it has been lost forever when all they need is a little time and care. Take the steps necessary and jealously guard the passion between you because it is priceless.

Keeping Partners Happy

Keeping Partners Happy 

Relationship happiness challenges every couple and grows only more so the longer couples remain together. It goes beyond flowers at Valentine's Day and a sweet card on the anniversary. Knowing one's partner is critical followed closely by avoiding the temptation of self interest. Let's see some key missteps and wins in keeping partners happy.

Self Happiness Temptation

The person's tastes and preferences one knows the best is their own. When making decisions in a relationship, they can have a hard time putting aside what they prefer in favor of their partner. What causes these choices to be wrong?

* They ask for a change the partner is not willing to make -- either because they do not want or are not ready to make.
* They seek to establish a level of commitment for one's own security in the relationship.
* They cast the individual in a light not fitting who they really are causing them to feel a deep discomfort.
* They call into question the reason for the relationship if they do not meet unspoken expectations.

Early on, these sorts of things can be talked out because couples are getting to know each other. The amount of information they do not have far outweighs what they possess. Trouble occurs when it continues to happen because then a partner begins feeling they are not being heard.

What Makes Them Happy

A few simple rules exist to discover what makes another person feel happy in a relationship. If they are simple, people think everyone gains access and follows through in every instance. Because of such an unfortunate misconception coupled with a person's natural desire to follow their own self interest, partners need to interrogate and investigate what they are doing.

Ask: Often simply asking a partner will give the clearest indication the aspects of relationships bringing them the most joy. Bear in mind, this might change because people often blind themselves to what they really want. People also need to feel safe enough to be able to give voice to their desires in a relationship.

Watch: People will do things pointing to just what makes them happy. Do they say they need time alone and then linger in the same room with questions? They could be asking for the contact or time. Maybe they produce something creative and need the nurturing safety of the relationship.

Hear: As with everything, we all long to be heard, sometimes even the words. A partner who lived in a tumultuous house growing up may struggle with expressing how deeply they care. By being exposed to their history, one can pick out bits of their story coming through in what they do and positively impact them when they are opening up.

Happiness Connection

There are two people in the relationship, so happiness is not based on a single side. Pursing only one person's bliss will create a lack of balance. Why would this be bad? It provides a place of hiding. By being shielded, couples may become close without any opportunity for deeper connection. This means communicating, exploring activities together and fostering inclusion. This should be reciprocated because happiness should be both people's goal.

Think of a relationship as a tree. Rarely, does anyone ask if a tree is happy. Fortunately, everyone knows when it is happy because it is healthy, strong and growing.

 A relationship where both partners flourish, feel heard and laugh together stretches its root deep into the ground and hold fast for years to come.

Speaking to a Partner's Love Language

Speaking to a Partner's Love Language 

Gary Chapman, in his best selling book, outlined the concept of love languages. He broke them down in general categories and posited everyone has a particular language to which they respond. Most people give in a language they desire. Unfortunately, being paired with someone possessing an identical love language is quite rare. More often than not, a partner needs something requiring sacrifice and practice to speak to them in a ways they truly value. This makes understanding all the love languages critical for open communication and deepen intimacy.

Gifts

In some ways, this seems like the simplest love language because one buys something for their partner and it is done. Those who respond to this language do not point to the gift itself. The gift represents everything else involved. Things like time, attention and effort all meld to elevate the item from a "gift" to a representation of the the other's heart. In a gift card obsessed culture where no one wants to get the "wrong" thing, a thoughtful, specific item speaking directly to a partner's interests goes a long way to bring two people closer together.

Time

For this group, the presence of the one they care about can be enough. Think of a cold day when the wind blows and sleet hits the windows. Sitting next to a fire and having one's partner there warms more than the body. It warms the heart. Too often, a person can get too focused on doing things or providing an experience. Those with the love language of time only want to know they matter enough to be with.

Words

Words trip people up as society moves ever farther from a place where words hold sway. Take all sorts of social media with their emojis or pictures substituted for a well timed word. People who need words do not seek eloquence. They only want to hear the truth about themselves from their partner's heart. It can take the form of a poem, a song or a simple whispered "I love you" followed by a pet name. Because of this, they feel seen and heard by the one they love. 

Service

This sounds really big as a love language complete with grand gestures or arduous tasks. The simplest way to understand this is think of the worst household chore. It varies, but everyone has one. Now, imagine arriving home with the task completed unexpectedly. Service is doing things for the partner they may always have to do or put off doing. This lightens their burden. But deeper than merely doing a chore for them, the partner sees how the rest of their work is acknowledged and seen.

Touch

Before this turns to more adult topics, because almost no one can resist those touches, this love language centers on more G and PG touching. Holding hands, snuggling on the couch and a good old fashioned hug passes affection to those with this love language. One of the biggest challenges for people with this love language occurs when the relationship has been well established and most of the early playfulness and touching vanishes. They need skin to skin contact to know their partner is close and cares.

Almost everyone has a dominant and secondary love language where they receive the majority of the reinforcement of connection. However, everyone should receive a variety of love from all these categories because it touches them in a variety of ways at different times. Words of love can impact those longing for touch as much as a tight hug. The important thing is to take the time, get to know what a partner needs and then strive to fill them with as much love as possible.

Three Inoculations Against a Break Up

Three Inoculations Against a Break Up

No relationship rolls along without any bumps in the road. Once a crisis presents itself, couples discover pulling the relationship out of a downward spiral proves supremely difficult. Partners can take simple steps to smooth things out lowing the risk of an explosive end to the relationship. Though the steps sound easy, couples need to invest time and energy if they seek a perpetual trajectory. Let's see what they need to pursue.

Communication

The cornerstone of every relationship, personal or profession, rests on being able to communicate. When approaching any problem, couples find most of the issues tie back to how they communicate. A simple process exists to get couples on the same page while strengthen the relationship as a whole. Breaking them into pieces will demonstrate their importance and how they help couples moving forward.

Listening: Individuals always think they are excellent listeners. Unfortunately, active listening requires more than not talking. To listen, the couple will need to maintain eye contact, confirm the message being received and ask key questions. It is also important not to interrupt the person speaking too frequently.

Sharing: The other side of communication means sharing things as well. A less forceful person might hold things close rather than offering thoughts, feelings and dreams to their partner. A lack of emotional honesty and parting of the veil makes both people feel isolated.

Communication is a give and take. Both people need to feel seen and heard. Those who do not feel that connection will seek it elsewhere.

Apologize Sincerely:

Behind communications, couples who last are able to apologize to one another. This is more than a quick "I'm sorry" to move things along. The party who has been hurt needs to share they have been harmed and how it makes them feel. Once aware of the offense, the other person should communicate their understanding of the situation, their pain over having hurt the other person and how they intend to address this in the future. 

  Apologies can be one of the most challenging things a couple can face, even those who have been together for a long time. Those capable of mastering sincere apologies last far longer than those who hold onto resentment and pain letting it fester and seethe. Also, an honest, heartfelt expression trumps a perfect execution every time.

Doing Stuff Together:

This step, similar to the first two, sound surprisingly simple and obvious. Unfortunately, couples with longer relationships point to a lack of mutual interests, adventures and surprises. Activities done together bond couples giving them a shared language. They can recall a time they went somewhere, played a game or even did something they never thought they would do. Here are some things to consider when planning an activity.

* Small Works: Simple things can carry as big an impact as the largest all day adventure.
* Get Out of Town: Even a day trip to a national park can break a routine and put a couple on a path to discovery.
* Indoor Playtime: Doing a puzzle, having a picnic on the floor or playing a childhood board game adds a sense of play and gets everyone off their electronic devices for a little while.

All of these items place the couples in front of one another. When couples share space, they will end up sharing other things too. They meld together in a healthy way where they can communicate deeply, ask for honest forgiveness and develop a unified history. All they will need to invest is time and effort.

Secret Relationships Can They Work

Secret Relationships Can They Work

Secret relationships sound exciting and adventurous, don't they? Just having a secret is provocative, but when there's romance and sex involved that makes the secret even juicier. Do you like to know why secret relationships have such a big appeal, and that people wonder why you're smiling all the time?

Secret relationships aren't uncommon. But you should also realize that they don't always work. In fact, having a relationship that's a secret can put a huge strain on you as a couple. The odds of this type of relationship only lasting a short time are pretty high. 

It can be more difficult than you think to go very long without talking about the relationship. If it weren't secret, you would probably mention your partner throughout the day in casual conversation. Even just mentioning something you saw together or talked about would be a natural thing to do. 

But in secret relationships, you have to keep yourself from doing that. You might find it on the tip of your tongue to talk about your partner and have to catch yourself all the time. Having to censor yourself several times a day can be quite a source of stress. 

Add to that your partner's feelings about having to do the same thing. Between the two of you, that can add up to a lot of tension. 

There's also the worry about being seen together. People in hush-hush relationships don't have the luxury of going out go a great restaurant for dinner. They can't go see the latest movie together, or walk down the road holding hands. 

There are exceptions to this. If you're keeping the relationship secret because you're good friends and you don't want people to know it's become more, you can still be seen together. But you'll have to give only appearance of friendship around others. 

Some relationships are kept secret for that very reason. Friends have become more than that but don't want to jinx the relationship. Or they decide that their group of friends might not understand. And they think maybe keeping it a secret is a good idea in case things don't work out. Then the friends would never have to know. 

Many coworkers who start dating keep the secret for the same reason. Things would just be easier at work if other people didn't know, both while it's happening and in case it ends. And with work situations, such dating might be discouraged making the secret necessary. 

But by keeping it a secret for those reasons, it's as if you're saying that it's probably not going to work out. At least, you're showing that you have serious doubts about it. How healthy does it seem to be in a relationship that you must believe won't last, so much so that you're keeping it a secret?

While the relationship might be thrilling at first and seem like an adventure, the best way to have secret relationships is with the understanding that they'll only be secret for a short time.

How To Build Trust In A Relationship

                                                                     
                                                                   
                                                                
                              

  How To Build Trust In A Relationship



Building trust in a relationship can be very difficult depending on the circumstances. If one partner had an affair, then it may take several years to build trust in a relationship.  It can be done and marriages survive affairs but it will take time. The person who had the affair will need to apologize to his/her partner and then be prepared for that person to learn to trust them again.

But trust is something that needs to be built up in every partnership. After all you are going to share your life with this other person so you need to know that they share the same values as you do. If you are trying to build mutual reliance there are several ways of doing this:

1) Make sure your words and actions match. If you say you are going to be home at a certain time, then make sure you are or else phone in advance to explain why. It is the little gestures that define who we are.

2) Always tell the truth no matter how painful. Lies destroy every type of relationship from friendships through to marriage. Telling the truth isn't always the easy option but it is the safest. If your partner knows that you always tell the truth, they will trust you much quicker. If they hear you telling lies to others, even those that you dismiss as being small they will have less belief in you.

3) Do not keep secrets when in a relationship. Now I don't mean that you have to tell your new partner your deepest secrets but as soon as the relationship looks like it is becoming serious, it is a good time to make sure that any relevant history is out in the open.

4) You need to have faith in your partner before expecting them to return that trust. If you have to text them morning and night wondering where they are and who they are with, they are likely to think you have something to hide.

5) Don't be unrealistic. All relationships have issues even those that have been happily married for 50 years. You need to accept that being part of a couple means that you take the good times and the bad. If you bolt at the first sign of trouble, your partner is never likely to trust you.

6) Finally rely on yourself to do the right thing. You must first know yourself and trust in your ability to make the right choices before you can trust anyone else. You have to know what your own goals and aspirations are in life before you can share a meaningful existence with someone else. Somebody with a defined sense of values is more likely to trust another person as they will quickly recognize these similar values.

All good relationships are built on a number of factors so learn how to build trust in a relationship now to increase your chance of success.

How To Be A Better Girlfriend Before Danger Creeps In

                                                                    

                                                                   
                                                                   
                                           
 
How To Be A Better Girlfriend Before Danger Creeps In

How to be a better girlfriend is something many women ask a lot. When you initially get together it is easy to keep the spark alive. You have so much to explore and learn about each other and the sexual attraction should also be very strong.  But when you have been together for a while, the initial lust factor has probably reduced somewhat and you know as much as there is to know.  Life can get a little mundane and this is when danger can creep in.  Most relationships break up due to lack of communication rather than a major problem like having an affair.

So you start wondering how to be a better girlfriend? Perhaps there are some good books you could read to help you spice up your love life. Or, if it is your thing, why not surprise him with a movie?  You could make your own but don't go overboard as these things have a habit of reappearing when you least want them to. Just ask Paris Hilton!

Becoming a better lover is something some women tend to leave to the men to worry about but it is a two way street.  And for such a little word, sex can cause major problems for any couple.  But it is not just about sex. There is an urban myth going around which seems to suggest that men don't want affection. While some may not do public displays, most love being cuddled or caressed in the comfort of their own homes.

Men like to be appreciated too.  So why not think up a couple of things you could do for him. For example, you could try getting him seats to a game for him and  his buddy if it is not your thing. Not only are you telling him that you want him to enjoy himself but you also trust him to go out without you and have a great time.  This is important as often men can feel trapped without there women even realizing it.  While women want to spend every minute with the man they love, often they couldn't imagine anything worse.  It is not that he doesn't  appreciate you but sometimes men need some space. Give him lots of this and he will happily nominate you for girlfriend of the year award.

Men also like their women to be respectful; just like you do also.  What I mean is that they don't like their partner to put them down, especially when their friends are around, or to act coarse and unladylike.  It is never attractive when a woman acts or talks like a marine. But it is even worse when you do so in front of an audience.

So stop wondering how to be a better girlfriend and go apply these tips.  If you are still concerned it would be worth investing in some additional relationship coaching to make sure you keep yours in tip top condition.

Romance Tools and Romantic Ideas to Ignite Her Passion

Romance Tools and Romantic Ideas to Ignite Her Passion


Men, here are some romance items you should have available at all times to help you to be spontaneous and romantic.  Do you want to romance her, spark her libido and ignite her passion?  Then here are some romantic ideas and some romance supplies you should have:

Romantic Candles.  Get the kind of candles that come in their own glass jar with a lid.  They are safer than the tall candles, won't spill wax all over the place and when you put the lid on they go out without filling the room with smoke. Choose scented candles with mild scents like vanilla or melon - or your partner's favorite scent.

 Here's a romantic idea: light them all around the living room - at night, and just sit on the couch and talk with her, communication builds and strengthens intimacy.

Romantic "I love you" Cards.

 Get about 15 different "thinking of you" and "I love you" greeting cards.  Then - over the course of a few months, whenever you have the idea of leaving one in her purse or car or mailing one to her work, you can do it before you forget.  Just write a short personal note in each when you send it.

 Here's a romantic idea: send her a card a day for a week and then personally bring flowers to her at work at the end of the week as a romantic surprise.  She'll love it!

Romantic Bubble Bath.

 Get scented bubble bath for your partner - but don't give it to her - yet.  The cucumber and melon scents are really relaxing.

 Romantic idea:  make her a bath, use the romantic bubble bath and put some romantic candles (above) around the tub.  Then just leave and let her enjoy some peace (unless she asks you to join her). She'll melt with relaxation.

Romance Incense.  Incense can really make your home smell nice and create a relaxing atmosphere.  Some incense are really powerful.

A Blanket can be Romantic.

 Keep a blanket in your trunk.  That way, you can do spontaneous romantic excursions like stopping, laying on the blanket and looking at the stars on a clear night or just enjoy relaxing under a tree on a warm day.

Your Romantic Cell Phone.

 Yes - your cell phone can be romantic - just call her out of the blue just to say I'm very thankful for you and "I love you."

 Romance idea: send her loving text messages at random times in the week.

Try to do something small two or three times a week for her - such as a card or note or a call or e-mail.  Try to do something medium for her at least once a week - such as bring home flowers or make a nice dinner. And try to do something big for her at least once a month - such as a full evening without kids that includes a nice dinner, a bath and a massage - all truly from your heart with no obligations attached.  Mix it up - make nothing routine.

Every once in a while, go a week or two without doing anything romantic except calling or e-mailing to keep the romantic love connection flowing.  Then start romancing her again.  She'll appreciate it more that way - it won't be the same ol' thing.

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