A blog from a Relationship Consultant. One that loves what he does and wants to share some of his learning experiences.
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Saturday, January 12, 2013
How To Be A Girlfriend Without Driving Him Away
How To Be A Girlfriend Without Driving Him Away
Isn't it funny what we wonder about? I mean if you are thinking about how to be a girlfriend, it would suggest that something isn't working in your relationship. Or perhaps you thought it was working but you have just been dumped.
Hollywood makes having a perfect relationship seem so easy. In fact all the famous love stories do i.e. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Pretty Woman all finish when the couple get together. They don't hang around for the difficult part i.e. when she discovers he snores in bed and puts his dirty socks under the bed rather than in the laundry. He finds out that she may be gorgeous but has a wicked temper and is quite demanding at times.
So what do you have to do to be a great girlfriend? You must accept your man for who he is. Far too many women get involved with "Mr OK but will soon change him to be Mr right" (in their mind). That is insulting for both of you. He doesn't deserve to be your pet project but deserves someone who will accept him for who he currently is. Does he have good character/ manners? His he kind to you? It would be better to be a loving girlfriend than to be the nagging spouse/partner no man wants.
You can be part of a couple and have an independent life. Some women find a man and then spend all their time with him and that's good. Intimacy is a very good thing. While it is normal to enjoy spending time with the man in your life, you need to have some time away too if only to have something to talk about when you do meet up. Men appreciate space and time with their buddies or hobbies. When he is having some time out, don't keep texting him as he will think you are stalking him.
Have conversations with your man rather than one sided lectures. It is difficult for most men to get excited about the latest plot on a soap opera or what the current fashion is. Try to talk about topics that interest the both of you and every so often shut up and let him talk as well. The LORD gave you one mouth and two ears for a reason, use them in proportion. He will appreciate it.
Just because your man wants you as his girlfriend doesn't mean that he is going to fall in love with your family and friends too. So long as he is polite to them, don't push him into being anything else. Relationships develop over time but there is a chance he may never like your best friend. That is life and you can't change it.
Always be honest with your man and for goodness sake drop the mind games. Whoever told a woman that men are intrigued by mind games obviously drank too much alcohol.
There is a tried and tested recipe for success in all relationships. I am guessing you are not sure what it is if you are asking how to be a girlfriend. Don't you think now would be a good time to find out?
Thursday, January 10, 2013
How To Be A Better Girlfriend Before Danger Creeps In
How To Be A Better Girlfriend Before Danger Creeps In
How to be a better girlfriend is something many women ask a lot. When you initially get together it is easy to keep the spark alive. You have so much to explore and learn about each other and the sexual attraction should also be very strong. But when you have been together for a while, the initial lust factor has probably reduced somewhat and you know as much as there is to know. Life can get a little mundane and this is when danger can creep in. Most relationships break up due to lack of communication rather than a major problem like having an affair.
So you start wondering how to be a better girlfriend? Perhaps there are some good books you could read to help you spice up your love life. Or, if it is your thing, why not surprise him with a movie? You could make your own but don't go overboard as these things have a habit of reappearing when you least want them to. Just ask Paris Hilton!
Becoming a better lover is something some women tend to leave to the men to worry about but it is a two way street. And for such a little word, sex can cause major problems for any couple. But it is not just about sex. There is an urban myth going around which seems to suggest that men don't want affection. While some may not do public displays, most love being cuddled or caressed in the comfort of their own homes.
Men like to be appreciated too. So why not think up a couple of things you could do for him. For example, you could try getting him seats to a game for him and his buddy if it is not your thing. Not only are you telling him that you want him to enjoy himself but you also trust him to go out without you and have a great time. This is important as often men can feel trapped without there women even realizing it. While women want to spend every minute with the man they love, often they couldn't imagine anything worse. It is not that he doesn't appreciate you but sometimes men need some space. Give him lots of this and he will happily nominate you for girlfriend of the year award.
Men also like their women to be respectful; just like you do also. What I mean is that they don't like their partner to put them down, especially when their friends are around, or to act coarse and unladylike. It is never attractive when a woman acts or talks like a marine. But it is even worse when you do so in front of an audience.
So stop wondering how to be a better girlfriend and go apply these tips. If you are still concerned it would be worth investing in some additional relationship coaching to make sure you keep yours in tip top condition.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
How To Be Nice To Your Girlfriend And Make Her Happier
How To Be Nice To Your Girlfriend And Make Her Happier
If you are wondering how to be nice to your girlfriend you have probably picked up some signs that it is not all rosy in your relationship. You must act fast as she may get fed up and decide to become your ex.

Some men appear to have a gift for instinctively knowing how to treat a woman, but for most it can be a little more complicated. At least read up on some techniques. Your girlfriend will be amazed. In fact she may think that another woman was teaching you how to behave! Not to worry, just show her the reading material that your studying and a big smile will come on her face. Which may even bring a big kiss, believed me.
In fact she will be very impressed that you cared enough to try to learn new skills; relationship improvement skills always a big hit. Obviously it will depend on what the situation is with your relationship. If you are asking how to be nice to your girlfriend you are obviously worried that you are missing something. Why not try sitting down with your partner and asking her how she is feeling.
Ask her if she is happy or is there something wrong? Some women like gestures aka gift whereas others, simply will want your attention. Men, must learn that women like to chat even if there is nothing important to say. The key to your relationship success will be for you to LISTEN.
They actually enjoy talking to us and listening to our views so long as we also listen to them. But they hate when we try to fix every problem. note:( we men are wired to fix/solve problems, so tell your mouth to stay shut.) Just because they tell us they are having an issue at work or with a friend, doesn't mean that they want us to solve it for them. Most likely they just want reassurance that they are handling the situation properly by themselves. They may simply be using you as a sounding board.
If you want to still be together when you are old and grey, you need to learn how to communicate properly. Then you won't be wondering how to be nice to your girlfriend.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
First Step Toward A Second Chance
First Step Toward A Second Chance
The first thing you need to do if you've lost the love of your life is communicate – with yourself. You need to get clear in your own head on what is really going on by ignoring all the noise. Forget the arguments, forget the fights and just get to the heart of the matter.
You'll have to be brutally honest with yourself here because what you're searching for is the truth. You want to dig past the clutter and the excuses and pinpoint the true reason or reasons your relationship began to go south.
Don't gloss over the little things, because often it is simply a combination of so many little things piled one on top of the other with no one ever going back to apologize and make things right that add up to one seemingly unmovable Big Thing.
Many times these small mountains of little things, too long ignored, make a relationship start to sour. If they keep adding up, things go bad a lot faster. So really think about the life of your relationship, and be honest with yourself about what really happened. What were the core events or words that put a hitch in the smooth turn of the wheel?
Once you've pinpointed all the things you feel are the likely culprits for pushing your relationship to take a turn for the worst, your next step is to communicate with your ex. Let him or her know that you want to sort out all the problems, get them out in the open and talk about them so you can figure out, together, what went wrong in your relationship because you never want to repeat these mistakes again.
Here's a valuable hint to remember during these communications: Discuss does not mean argue. If you can't act like a mature, responsible adult for the duration of a simple, single conversation to help make your relationship better now, how can you possibly expect to have a meaningful, long-term relationship?
So the next step is to find out what he or she thinks started the damage to your relationship. The point is for each of you to know what the other feels caused the relationship to go bad so you both will know exactly what needs working on – by both parties – to fix the relationship.
Next, ask if your partner feels your relationship has a chance, if they are interested (like you) in trying to change things for the better, working together to build a better life together, and then decide if you're both willing and able to do what you now know it will take to make the necessary changes and put the relationship back on track.
Communication is one of the cornerstones of all meaningful relationships. If you haven't been communicating with your partner, that could be one part of the problem. Make sure he or she knows you now understand this and that from here on out, you will definitely want to discuss your problems with each other, as well as possible solutions.
Why? Because by doing this, by communicating openly and honestly with each other about your hopes, fears, expectations and whatnot, both of you will be better equipped to make your relationship much better than it has ever been, to make your relationship the kind that lasts forever.
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Friday, December 28, 2012
Before You And Your Boyfriend Get Back Together
Before You And Your Boyfriend Get Back Together
Are you considering getting back together with your ex boyfriend? The idea probably seems quite exciting, especially if both of you are remembering all of the good times that you had together. But you should definitely do some serious thinking before you and your boyfriend decide to get back together.
Many couples do successfully reunite and end up with very strong relationships after a break-up. However, some couples end up getting back together for the wrong reasons or without fully dealing with the factors that led to the dissolution of the relationship. If you want your rejuvenated relationship to be a success, make sure that you first take the time to consider the following issues:
• Old wounds need to be healed.
In other words, there was some reason why you and your boyfriend broke up in the first place; has this issue been resolved? If not, it is likely that your relationship may fail again. You and your boyfriend must find a way to either deal with the problems that led to the break-up or you must jointly decide that the break-up issues are no longer conflicts. It isn’t enough to simply have regrets about the relationship and how it ended; things must change.
• Let go of old expectations.
If you and your boyfriend decide to give the relationship another try, you will need to learn to treat it as a new relationship--not as an extension of your old one. This doesn’t mean that you need to completely start fresh; however, you do need to rebuild trust and friendship. You will need to reassess your goals as a couple and work on creating a new life together.
• Don’t let emotions make decisions about reuniting or about the new relationship.
Of course it can feel quite thrilling to talk again with your ex, and you both may be feeling the euphoria of falling for each other once again. Yet allowing those feelings to control whether you and your boyfriend get back together could be a mistake. You both need to think rationally about how a new relationship would be--without letting the floods of emotion overcome you.
Similarly, when making decisions about the new relationship, it is best to do so calmly and with sensible and reasonable thought. If either of you allow emotions to cloud your judgment, you may come to regret it later on.
If you really want to get back together with your boyfriend, make sure that you and he are both really ready for another try at the relationship. By doing so, you could end up saving yourself a great deal of heartache if, for some reason, the relationship does not fare well again.
It may seem quite easy to believe that your boyfriend has changed because of your great desire to reignite the relationship; however, if it isn’t actually true you will just be setting yourself up for failure. Instead, set yourself up for success by being honest with your boyfriend and making sure that the two of you do not follow the same path that led to your first break-up.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage
Effective Tips On How To Save My Marriage
If your relationship between the two of you to the point of questioning how long you will be together, you may be asking how to save my marriage. Remember that a marriage is a union of two people, so finding solutions to your marriage problems together is essential. These problems cannot be solved by just one of you.
Here are some tips that can help bring you together and increase the chances of your marriage lasting:
- No marriage is perfect. Unlike fairy tales, typical marriages have their flaws just like each of us do. Do not expect perfection from each other. Accept that there will be lumps and bumps along the way.
- Marriage requires work. For your relationship to work, both of you need to realize that it takes work to make a marriage strong. The more work that you put into your marriage can result in an honest and happy relationship. If you do not take this seriously, it can be detrimental. The areas that typically need the most work involve trust and respect in one another . Without these things, your relationship will fall apart.
- Communicate and listen effectively. Create an environment where you can talk to each other without getting upset. Speak calmly and clearly about how you feel and allow your partner to do the same. Make sure to listen to what they have to say, regardless of what they say. Discuss how each of you feel and find common ground where both of you feel that you can find solutions for issues you are facing. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better.
- Do not dwell on past problems. Do not let past mistakes or misunderstandings determine the future of your marriage. While your past problems may be quite serious, dwelling on them will not help your marriage. Focus on the here and now and take each day as it comes.
- Be more giving to one another. Be considerate of each others needs and feelings. You can do caring gestures to simply show that you are thinking of them. If you are unsure as to what you should do for your spouse, ask them what you can do to make them happy. Doing something that will make them feel loved and special can go a long way towards strengthening your relationship. Sometimes doing the simplest things can mean the most to them.
If you have tried all of the above and still are asking how to save my marriage, a professional marriage counselor may be your best option. The decision to go to a counselor must be made by both of you as it will not work if you both do not participate fully.
If you are both truly committed to making changes to save your marriage, a counselor can offer unbiased advice to help you. By getting advice from counselor, it may help you see your problems in a different light and help you find solutions.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Advice On Sex To Repair Your Relationship
Advice On Sex To Repair Your Relationship
Being in a bad relationship is a tough thing to do. Nothing is worse than being married and lonely at the same time. If you think the best way to save your relationship is to 'spice up your sex life' you may want to think again. Here is some advice on sex to repair your relationship.
First of all don't buy into the old cliche that if you have great sex your partner will be satisfied and not leave. Unless your partner is an adolescent, or just acts like one, sex alone won't be enough to keep your relationship strong. A good adult relationship is made up of many components and until you can get it clicking on at least several levels, not just sexual, you will struggle and most likely won't be happy in the relationship.
A word of caution though, no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. You will have times when you and your partner are not on the same page, and that's OK. It's more about balance, in your relationship as a whole you should be on the same page more often than not. If it's balanced the other way, where you are at odds more often than you are in sync you should seriously consider reevaluating the relationship because the two of you just aren't a good fit, and that's unlikely to change.
So before you decide that hotter sex is the key to making your relationship what you really want it to be, consider some of these points:
1. How was your relationship in the beginning? Did you have a lot of hobbies that you shared together? What did you do, besides sex, when you spent time together? If you don't do those things together anymore, why not? If you analyze these changes in your relationship you will be a lot closer to figuring out what you need to work on to make your relationship strong again.
2. Have you asked your partner what they think is going on with your relationship? After all you're both part of the situation, and the problem. Why not share with each other what you are feeling, instead of complaining to your girlfriends, or buddies, why not ask your partner? You two know whats really going on and they don't.
Make sure that when you ask your partner what they're thinking you give them the opportunity to tell you how they feel in a 'safe' environment. What I mean by that is don't get mad and yell at them if they say something you don't want to hear. If you do then you are sending them a signal that they can't open up to you or it will get ugly, so they won't turn to you and share their feelings. That is the beginning of the end for many relationships.
Once they've told you how they feel, it's your turn. And the same rules apply. You have the right to express your feelings without being persecuted by your partner.
If you and your partner have reached a rough patch in your relationship it can be tempting to think that if you can reignite a fire in bed you'll be able to save your relationship, unfortunately that's simply not the case. Use the advice on sex to repair your relationship tips I've given you above to start to rebuild your relationship in a healthy way. But don't leave out sex and romance, just don't make it your only instrument in reigniting the love and passion in your relationship.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
A Man’s Perspective on How to Attract a Guy
A Man’s Perspective on How to Attract a Guy
In needing dating advice from men, many women are really looking to learn what makes a man tick. Furthermore, it’s easy to become discouraged in the world of dating today. Media puts so much pressure on people (women especially) to hold themselves to these unrealistic ideals of “beauty”.According to popular magazines, a woman might only be beautiful if she is extremely thin, or has full pouty lips, or a deep, dark (and usually artificial by the way) tan. Photos of women who have been air brushed to within inches of their lives and who are often unhealthy because of the pressures of the beauty industry are the photos that real women like you compare themselves to.
As a result, women like you often become discouraged and develop a poor body image. That often snowballs into a dating life that leaves you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. Either you are attracting the wrong kind of men, or you wind up feeling too down on yourself to even bother with dating altogether and are left wondering “will I ever find my true love?”. I would say that’s a pretty sad state of affairs, wouldn’t you?
Every Woman Has Something Beautiful About Them That Makes Them Marriage Material ( yea! )
I’m here to tell you to throw all that “ideal woman” crap out the window. Take it from a man who knows… beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. There is a man out there in this world who thinks YOU are the most beautiful woman on this planet. Don’t despair if you haven’t yet met him, because I guarantee you he is out there, just waiting to be found. You just have to be willing to look.And it’s important to remember that while at first glimmer of interest we men might initially start looking at you in a physical way ( Men are more visual, wheres women are more audio). But the real, deeper attraction happens when we start to talk to you and get to know you better. We become attracted to the little quirks that make you unique. Maybe we love the softness of your hands, the dimple in your chin or the way you smell.
Maybe we love the way you fill out a pair of jeans, or the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile. True attraction happens on a deeper level than just looks. Real beauty isn’t just a pretty face or a perfect body. The men who are marriage material, the men you are looking for YOU; they already know this. They are looking for the beauty inside a woman. They want to find that woman that will look beyond their own flaws too and really see the man they are inside.
Because deep down, we men are concerned also. We secretly reflect on that we may never find Mrs. Right. We get nervous in initiating a conversation or asking a woman out. And just like you we want to be loved, flaws and all. The difference is we’re men. We don’t communicate those things well. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t feeling them also.
Please stop worrying about whether or not we think you’re beautiful, because chances are we think you’re beyond beautiful. We just don’t know how to say it. Take some pressure off us poor saps and initiate a conversation. Say hello :)
Monday, December 17, 2012
Guy Advice On Healing A Relationship
Guy Advice On Healing A Relationship
If you're struggling to keep your relationship with your wife or girlfriend from falling apart you will need guy advice on healing a relationship. You may want to talk to your buddies, but the truth is they probably don't know any more than you do. Instead read this article for some good advice on repairing your broken relationship.
There are two phrases that should be the building blocks to repairing your relationship: "I'm sorry" and/or "I was wrong". Neither one will mean a thing if they aren't sincere. The first thing you have to do to heal your relationship is to be a man and own up to your part in the problems.
Many men seem to think that apologizing is a sign of weakness. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. If you think about it, one of the hardest things you will ever do is to admit you were wrong and that you caused someone else's pain, especially someone you love. That is a hard thing to do. So apologizing isn't a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of being a man and being strong.
In some ways it might seem easier to just bury your feelings and don't admit that you were wrong or that you are in pain. Again, a very 'manly' thing to do. But is it? While that might be the first thing many men will do, it's not the easiest in the long run. If you bury those feelings you will never truly be free of them. They will jump up and haunt you when you least expect it. No matter how painful it is you need to face them and get over them once and for all. That's the only real way you can have peace for the rest of your life.
So if you want to heal your relationship you need to honestly access your part in the breakdown of the relationship. Were you inattentive, did you take your wife/ partner for granted, did you stop making her feel special and loved?
There's a seen in the movie "The Breakup" where Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are fighting. She had just put in a long day at work and hosted a dinner party and wanted his help to clean up. She said to him " I want you to want to do the dishes" and, of course, his response was "Why would I want to help you do the dishes"? A valid question. Sort of.
I doubt that character really thought she wanted him to want to do the dishes. What she really wanted was for him to understand that she was tired and wanted to relax too. She wanted him to show his appreciation of all she does by helping her and taking some of the burden off of her shoulders.
Are you guilty of pretending to be 'stupid'. Pretending like you don't really know what your wife wants? Many men fall into that trap, just like in the movie. They know what their wife is trying to say, they just choose to pretend like they don't because it seems easier than actually helping. It's selfish. And it will lead to long term problems. This all goes back to what I was talking about above: making your wife feel appreciated.
The good news is that if you've made some mistakes in the past you can change and become a better man. You can become the kind of man that you can be proud of and that she can love and respect. Use this guy advice on healing a relationship as a starting point and you can not only save your relationship but improve it too.
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