Top Ten List Of What To Do And What Not To Do In Relationships

Top Ten List Of What To Do And What Not To Do In Relationships


Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a roller coaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship consultant, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.

MEN

DO

1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice.
2. Trust and Respect her.
3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
5. Continue your courtship even after she’s committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman does care if you call her at work to say, “I love you” or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with her.
8. Encourage her goals and direction.
9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
10. Say, “I’ apologize” when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

DON’T

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment.
3. Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t.
4. Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Just explain you need space, you aren’t angry with your partner and that you’ll be back.
5. Criticize your partner, especially her appearance.
6. Yell at your partner as if you were her father.
7. Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as “You NEVER listen to me;” when what she really means is that you aren’t listening to her at that time.
8. Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship.
9. Violate her privacy.
10. Forget special occasions.

Men and Women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future.

WOMEN

DO

1. When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
2. Trust and respect him.
3. Stop nagging.
4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
6. Make love creatively and often. Don’t be afraid to initiate lovemaking.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with him.
8. Support his goals and direction.
9. Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can’t read your mind.)
10. Accept his “No” gracefully, trusting that he would if he could.

DON’T

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Insist he always share his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is more what women need.
3. Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event.
4. Continue to “give” in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment.
5. Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does.
6. Scold your partner as if he were a child.
7. Use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for “bad” behavior.
8. Compare him to a fictional character in a book, movie or soap drama and find him lacking.
9. Violate his privacy.
10. Try to change him. Appreciate the man he is right now.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don’t become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

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Win Ex Back Without Playing Head Games

Win Ex Back Without Playing Head Games

When you have been dumped, there are any number of theories about how to win ex back.  Most of them involve playing head games with your ex.  But, when you mess with her head just to win her back, you are on a shaky foundation for moving forward in the relationship when things are patched up.  This article is the no-games way to win ex back.

When you were going out, she would text you two dozen times a day.  Now your phone is silent.  While you don't want to overdo it, calling her once a week or so just to keep in touch keeps the door open for a reconciliation.

To this end, make sure that you call her on important days like her birthday.  Sending a card or a small gift wouldn't hurt either when you are trying to win ex back.

Keep in touch by email.  If there is a news story she might enjoy send it to her with a nice (short) note.  You can also start a email list where you send out information, jokes, or personal updates to a group of friends and make sure she is on the responder list.

You also have to decide whether you want to want to date other women during the period when you are trying to win ex back.  If you are serious that you are going to win ex back, you won't date other women.  If you are even thinking about getting back together, do not sleep with another woman.  This goes against some dating advice that says you should date around to make your ex jealous.  But playing games like this will not serve you well when you do get back together.

Don't be jealous when she dates other guys though.  She called it off, remember, so she's not cheating when she sees men.  You can use the information about what she looks for in a man when you analyze the kind of men she's dating.

For instance, if she broke things off with you because you had gotten too complacent in the relationship, she may be seeing men who sweep her off her feet. If you were the beer and football type and she's now dating artists and poets, you may need to develop a more sensitive side in order to win ex back.

When you analyze and study the woman who broke up with you, you will be able to see what she really needs in a man. Remember, that now that you are no longer a couple, there are layers being built up between the two of you. In some ways, this actually makes it easier to see what she needs from a man because your own emotions, feelings, and needs are less at play. Read into the things she says and the things she doesn't say. Look at her actions as well.

Hold your own cards close to your chest. The power in your relationship has shifted.  When you spill out your deepest emotions to your ex, you give her too much power. If you tell her that she is the one person who you need in your life, she suddenly can dictate the future.  When you hold your own cards close to your chest, you preserve your own power which is necessary for restoration of the relationship after you win ex back.

During the time when you are broken up, work on yourself.  Make sure you hit the gym regularly so you look good. Get a hair cut too and even consider a new style.  Also, work on your mind as well as your body. By spending time on self improvement, you become more attractive to your ex.

The bottom line is that you can try to get your ex back by playing games or you can try to fix the problems that your relationship had.  When you work on the problems, you build a more solid foundation for the future when you have already accomplished win ex back.

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If trying to do it your way doesn't work; start listening to Your inner Greatness. You have so Much Greatness inside of You:)

Broken Relationships Rebound The Smart Way

Broken Relationships Rebound The Smart Way

How many times have you seen one of your friends break up with a long-term partner only to find, the very next week, someone who was obviously all wrong for them? It’s one of the most common after effects of the end of relationships: rebound dating.

The idea of rebound relationships is so ingrained into the way we think about dating that it just seems natural to look for one after a breakup. There’s something to be said for getting “back in the saddle,” choosing a partner when your judgment is clouded usually does more harm than good overall. If you want to get over your ex fast, there are better ways to do it.

Band-Aid relationships: rebound mindset

The first step to keeping yourself from doing something you’ll regret is to take an honest look at what you’re feeling and understand how those feelings can lead you places you’d rather not go. A lot of times we just miss the companionship and look for someone to fill the gap in our schedule and distract us from the fact that our heart’s just been broken. In that case, make a point of finding a social time-filler that doesn’t involve romance.

Maintain your standards

The best thing you can do to avoid getting involved with someone who’s all wrong for you is stick to your standards. In fact, go ahead and raise them a little just to add a safety buffer. If the person you’re thinking about dating is less kind, less intelligent, less anything that you’d normally want, stay away. These people don’t make for good relationships, rebound or otherwise.

Beware of the handiest person

When we look for someone to rebound with, we need someone fast. We don’t have time to “waste” looking for someone we really click with, so we tend to latch on to someone we already know and have at least some rapport with. It might be a close friend, a co-worker, even someone who works at the grocery store down the street. If you find yourself falling for someone you’ve never been the least bit attracted to before, stop and think about what’s really going on here.

Take time for yourself

Instead of filling your time with go-nowhere dates, get out and make some new friends (that’s “friends,” not “lovers.” There’s a difference.) Get involved in something you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for. Whatever you do, don’t sit around pining for your ex or looking for some one else to save you from the pain that your feeling.

Be gentle with yourself.

Even if your not sobbing into your pillow every night, the end of a relationship will naturally make you feel a little bummed out and low on energy. Take that into account and try not to start any major projects for a few weeks. Instead, treat yourself to some time out to do something you enjoy.

Of course, not every rebound relationship ends up a disaster. If you’re lucky, you may meet some one truly right for you. If you do decide to get involved with someone after a breakup, though, make sure you’ve taken a little off by yourself and you’re not lowering your standards. While we can't prevent all broken relationships: rebound dates gone wrong are easy to avoid.

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Six Essential Secrets For Flowing Relationships

Contrary to most conventional wisdom, it's not your looks, your money, your job or even your luck, that's going to land you that great relationship, and keep it sizzling. No, the secret is all in your attitude.

Here are my Six Essential Secrets For Flowing Relationships

1. Stop competing with each other! Good relationships are all about being on the same side. What's the purpose in scoring all those points? Sure you may cross the finish line first today, and maybe tomorrow as well. But you'll be all alone when you do, and if you carry on this way, eventually you may not have anyone left in your life to compete with! So stop competing; stop player-hating; start concentrating on crossing that finish line as part of a winning team.

2. Listen, communicate and hear! One of my favorite parts of my great relationship period, is to sit and chat with my wife. We talk about big stuff, and small stuff; share plans and pains, and each of us engages with what the other is saying. We never use silence as a weapon, and we never go to bed mad. Master the simple art of real conversation, and your relationship is halfway home!

3. Understand a relationship is not about "ownership. "This is probably the most common personal problem I come across. Possessiveness and jealousy are two of the most destructive of all human forces. Very few relationships will survive the poison of this twin-horned devil. Let it go!

4. Pay yourself first every day! The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself! That means taking care of your body, mind and spirit every single day. It's simply called self-respect. I can guarantee you, that if you don't care for yourself, then few others will. Why should they? If you've already demonstrated your own low self-esteem, who am I, or anyone else, to argue with that? Take care of yourself first each day, in order to be strong enough to take care of the people you care about.

5. Put the romance back! You just can't beat it. A romantic gesture says: "At this moment, I am thinking 100% of you, and your needs, and I want to do everything I can to please you." It also says a great deal about your own self-esteem. You'd be amazed how many people are motivated to make romantic gestures because of the praise they'll receive, not the pleasure they'll give. That isn't romance, its selfish. Learn to discern. Become a Master of Romance. It'll spice up your life!

6. Learn how to bend, but never so far that you snap.  Relationships are all about give and take. It's OK to bend with the wind sometimes. That's the nature of the dance. But it's not OK to bow over so far, so often, and so low, that you get worn down, weaken and snap. Learn how much to give, how much to take, and when to walk away.

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Five Most Important Things to Remember About Dating Women

Five Most Important Things to Remember About Dating Women

   Everyone does it. Not everyone loves it. Whether you enjoy dating or find it stressful and horrible, you know that if you are ever going to find the one person who can stop your dating life forever, you have to do it. Gentlemen, you simply have to date women if you are ever going to find the perfect one for you. So, here is some good advice for you. 

Successful dating can be broken down into the five most important things about dating women. They are:

Women are not guys.  They do not think it is fun to make noises by placing their hands under their armpits and acting like a winged creature. Even if they are drunk, they don't like this. Save this type of behavior for guy's night.

Women are not guys. They do not think it is cool to brag about your previous relationship conquests. They do not want to know about the ditzy blonde who had nothing to say but had the most amazing rack ever created. Nor do they think it is great to have their guy greeted by every woman in the place.Take your date to a different place just to be on the safe side and never, never, never mention your ex-girlfriend.

Women are not guys.  They do not like to see you show up at their door in your ratty old jeans with a cheap five-buck pizza in hand. Trust me on this one.  Maybe later  way later, like after the kids become teenagers  it will be okay for this kind of thing to happen. But for now, please, guys: take a shower, put on something nice like khakis and a pullover shirt, and have flowers in hand instead of greasy fast food.

Women are not guys.  They do not love it when their date pulls out buy-one-get-one-free coupons at the restaurant cash register. There is nothing wrong with a bargain, especially in these tough economic times, but use those freebies when you go out with your mom (who will love your thriftiness) or your best buddy (who wouldn't notice or care how you paid). Don't make your date think that she is not worth full price.

Women are not guys. They do not find burping and farting contests hilariously interesting and entertaining. Who can come up with most-silent-but-most-deadly one without any prior warning is nothing to be proud of, according to the female half of the population. Neither is it way cool to be able to belch out the melody to The Star-Spangled Banner. Again, save it for football night with the frat brothers.

Remembering the five most important things to remember about dating women will take you farther than anything else when it comes to having a great time on your dates. The five most important things to remember about dating women will also allow you to get more than one date with the same lady. There are lots of people who will offer you lots of advice about dating, and even some who will simply say, Be yourself. 

That is not terrible advice, but trust me, if being yourself includes any of the forbidden behavior in the five most important things to remember when dating women list, don't be yourself. Be better.  Remember these five most important things about dating women and have a better dating life.

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The Top Six Romance Killers – And How to Avert Them

The Top Six Romance Killers – And How to Avert Them


Remember the time your lover couldn’t keep his hands off you? And now, it seems, his hands are strictly for holding the remote, and he has eyes only for the TV.

What went wrong? Besides the fact that lifestyles today are more stressful than ever (a definite romance buster), most relationships go through predictable phases – from intense passion to a warm friendly glow to possible eventual indifference.

All couples, however, do not end up with indifference towards each other. Some even retain intense romance and passion for as long as they live. These relationships are not instances of chance or luck – the continued intimacy is a result of working on the relationship and not giving up on each other when the things look bleak.

If you are looking for more than just “holding on” to each other out of habit and wish to rekindle the flame of the early days of your romancing, here are some tips that will help you reach that goal:

Chores and additional responsibility: The greatest difference between the dating days and the living together days is the drastic change in responsibility levels. Money matters, household chores, and decision-making are the major areas of conflict.

For instance, you have never discussed who does what around the house, and when you see your partner sprawled on the couch while you are hard at work, it angers you. The best way to sidestep this hurdle is to work on communication. In this example, it would help to discuss division of chores and responsibilities before you start living together. Also, discuss money matters beforehand – who will spend on what, how much will be saved etc.

 If one partner puts in efforts to save money, and the other partner spends lavishly, the relationship is heading towards troubled waters. When we stop communicating, resentment builds up.

Resentment: Unresolved issues lead to bitterness and resentment. And when we resent our partner, we tend to start shutting him/her out of our lives. This is the beginning of indifference. Snip indifference in the bud by recognizing its signs and talking about the unresolved issue. Seek a closure.

Fitness & Health: High profile and highly demanding careers mean that we have little emotional energy to “give” at the end of the day. When both partners feel this way, they may end up snapping at each other for non-issues. And if you have been neglecting your health by eating junk food and not exercising, you feel constantly exhausted and irritable. So when both partners maintain a healthy (and fit) lifestyle, it helps their relationship.

Babies: Some say that the greatest test of the health of a relationship is how it survives the entry of the new family member – the baby. Newborns can add to the stress of an already stressed relationship. If you don’t want your relationship to fall apart on account of the baby, make sure you are working on it before the baby is born – again, the key is open and honest communication.

Familiarity: At some point in the relationship we get comfortable enough with each other to burp in front of each other. This familiarity sometimes extends to not opening doors for our partner, and not carrying bags for her – little courtesies are forgotten. Even if we are comfortable with each other, behaving in a gentlemanly manner (or ladylike manner) when the occasion demands, keeps the romance alive.

Bickering: Most bickering is a reflection of a bigger problem – it is never really about the socks on the floor or the toothpaste tube cover- it is about how these gestures show that you don’t care enough about your partner to put in the effort. Bickering only increases your frustration because while the issue does not get resolved, you get labeled a “nag”. Talking in a constructive and positive manner about what bothers you is the best way to sidestep bickering.

Always remember to talk in a place that is free of distractions such as the TV or the baby. And while we’re going on about honest communication, remember the golden rule of speaking to your partner – it never hurts to be diplomatic. We’re saying, “be honest”, but that does not equal “be harsh”. Talk in a considerate, gentle and positive manner; and your partner will reward you by being responsive. And that is the beginning of rekindling the romance.

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He Dumped Me How Will I Ever Survive

Dear Dr. Pharms, PhD. He Dumped Me How Will I Ever Survive !!!

 Dear, He Dumped Me How Will I Ever Survive,

If you are saying "he dumped me.  How will I ever survive?" The words in this article will  give you comfort. It may help you to know that while you've broken up, you are not a broken person.

 When you've been in the position that "he dumped me," you have two fears. The first is that you will never recover from the pain. The second is that no one will ever love you again. 

Take heart, dear.  The fear isn't real.  The pain is real.  But, the situation exists in your head, not in the real world. While one part of your life may be over, your life is not over.

You still have friends and family who care about you. In fact, you now have more time to spend with them. Many times, when you get into an involved romantic relationship, we lose touch with the other people who bring meaning to your life. You now have a chance to reconnect with them.

In fact, sharing your loss with them may encourage them to share their break up experiences with you.  When you say, "he dumped me," that allows them to be vulnerable about how they've been hurt. You will begin to see that your pain is not unique. You will also be able to see that other people have lived full and complete lives after a break up.

In addition to having more time for others who you care about, you will have more time to work on the issues in your life.  Many times, when you are in a relationship, the activities you care about get pushed aside if your partner isn't interested in them. This is a good time to get re-involved in the things that matter to you.

If no particular activity comes to mind, then maybe you need to get a hobby!  No, really, when you say "he dumped me," what you tell yourself is that you are worthless and your not.  When you take up a new activity and invest in yourself, you prove to yourself that you matter.

There are all kinds of activities you can get involved with.  The best thing to do is to join a group, class, or workshop.  For instance, joining a hiking club will let you meet lots of people who enjoy the great outdoors.  A ballroom dancing class will introduce you to people who enjoy the finer things in life. A writer's workshop will be filled with creative types.

As you begin to re-engage with the world, you will lose the sense of desperation you felt when he dumped you. You will make new friends who share a common interest. And, you may even meet someone special to spend your time with.

The truth is that you will find someone to love you. Your soul mate is out there. Your ex may have done you a favor by breaking up with you because now you have a chance to find someone who fits you better.

And, always remember, the best revenge when "he dumped me" is moving and growing on in love.

When Love Still Exists How to Win Ex Back

Do you want to win ex back?  If you had a close, loving relationship with a partner who later broke up hastily  with you, you may want to get back together. You have a lot of emotional investment in the relationship, and may not want to throw it away without an attempt to reignite the flame. Here's how to win ex back.

First of all, you need to analyze your own feelings.  Do you still care deeply about your ex?  Sometimes a great passion burns into being merely comfortable. You don't want to lose your ex because he is like an old slipper. But comfort doesn't make a great relationship. There has to be a great love. If you still have passionate feelings for your ex partner, you can move onto the next step of how to win ex back.

And that next step is examining how he feels about you. Does he have the same kind of grand love? If the problems in the relationship were things you can work on like communication, time management, goal awareness then you can win ex back. But, if the problem were deeper and he's no longer in love with you, you should start to move on now.

When you have determined that this was a grand love, you can start to work on the things that can bring you two back together.  For instance, think back to who you were when he fell in love with you.  Perhaps you weighed 10 pounds less, had a more optimistic outlook on life, were close to your girlfriends, or were involved in a variety of activities.

After you spend time with him, you begin to change. You spend less time with girlfriends or on your own activities as he  begins to demand more of your presence. You may have let yourself go because you feel secure in his affection.

If you want to win ex back, you need to go back to being the woman he fell in love with. Another tip to how to win ex back is to practice detachment. Don't call, text, or stalk your ex. You don't want to appear desperate. By  seeming to accept the situation, you actually become more desirable to your ex. 

In practicing detachment, you also begin to focus on what makes you happy. You get reconnected to friends and family. You take up hobbies and other things which interest you. You become a more positive person in general. This all helps in win ex back.

When you do get together with your ex from time to time, use the past to your advantage. For instance, if there was an outfit he really liked to see you in, wear it. If you eat at a restaurant where you had a good time with him, mention that you were there again.  Because you have many positive experiences with this guy, you can use your common history to win ex back.

From time to time, invite your ex to non-committal type events.  Ask him to join a group of your friends at a event or invite him to a party.  Let him know he's free to bring a date. 

Finally, if you want to win ex back, just be yourself. Either he's in love with you or he isn't. You can't change your ex,  You can only be yourself.

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Show Your Partner That You Care

Show Your Partner That You Care

Many of us start our relationship with love. But after some time you may feel that something is changed, that routine is getting in your relationship. That doesn't mean that the love is gone but you have to do something to keep your love alive.

Relationships are difficult to sustain. We all want to have a relationship that works. Happiness is the primary need of all of us. To make your relationship work , being like before, and also to not lose your partner you should start by showing her that you really care, to impress her with something every day.

It is important to show people that we care. While big and extravagant gifts are one way, it is the small things that we do everyday that are the most important. You don’t need to be creative, have a big budget or heaps of bright ideas to show someone that you care.

Here are some helpful tips you may use to show her that you care, tips to impress her and show that you love her like the in beginning.

Surprise her in the morning by making her coffee and bring her breakfast at the bed. If you didn’t do this before you will definitely surprise her in a positive way. This is good way to start your day by pampering her.

Propose to take a shower together. Show her that you make time for her and it's no problem if you get to work late sometimes. Spending some time with her is much important even if you have a lot of work today.

Bring home roses for no reason at all. You don't need a special reason to buy her flowers to show how much you love her. Your intentions will be appreciated and the message will be better understood.

Be sensitive and caring. Ask her if there's something wrong if you see that she is a little upset. Listen to her and try to make her smile again. Remind her that you'll conquer all the problems together.

Don't forget to compliment her daily and tell her she's beautiful like in the first day you met. It’s good to hear that you still like how she looks and have the Hots for her.

Ask if there's anything you can do in the house. Ask her if you can help with something, and sometimes do a little cleaning even if she doesn't ask you to do it. Notice the things that are missing and go shopping for them without asking her. She will be very surprised that you care about the house and offer to help her.

Remember anniversary's and birthdays. A woman always know this dates, but men usually forget this. That's why she will be impressed and very happy to see that you are a caring man and remember your anniversary.

Prepare her a romantic weekend that she doesn't expect. Go away to spend a romantic weekend with your partner only just the two of  you, somewhere away from home where nobody can reach and disturb you. It's the perfect place and chance to re alive the love between you two.

Once you begin to pay attention to what brings her pleasure and happiness, you're on your way to being a true romantic. The thing to keep in mind is that romance is about her desires, not yours. Your satisfaction comes from making her Happy.

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